It's now been a bit more than 24 hours since my bicycle was stolen. I had gone to my previous place to help out my landlady with some technical problems. I propped up the bike on the sidewalk, called her to say I had arrived, she let me into her house - and for the first time in my life I forgot to lock up my bike. When I came back out two hours later it was gone.
I was shocked. Surprised. Even now I'm not really angry or upset. Stupid me, I just told myself, serves me right for not locking it up. I pay the price for negligence. I have only myself to blame. When I told my parents about it their reaction was actually one of anger - at me. How could I have been so stupid?!
In the end, it was one of my colleagues who offered a more reasonable opinion. Sure it was negligence, he said, that was the natural reaction. It happens but that wasn't a reason to blame myself. The person to blame was still the thief and nobody else. My bike being stolen was not a logical consequence of me leaving it unlocked. So I shouldn't be too harsh on myself.
I actually think he's very right. Of course, we don't live in a perfect world. There are criminals and one person's negligence may encourage another's dishonesty. Of course, we should try to avoid that. But we should also remember that for a theft to happen it still primarily takes a thief, someone unscrupulous enough to walk away with someone else's property. That's the person to be mad at - if you want to get mad at all.
And if nothing else: Your property has already been stolen. Beating yourself up over it will only make you feel worse. Might just as well blame the actual culprit. Neither attitude will bring your property back. But one will at least make you live a bit easier.