Who is Germany?

A few years back the government launched a campaign called "You Are Germany" in the attempt to encourage people to (as it seemed) have more children but also identify more strongly with our country.
Now, less than a week before the general election, I am beginning to have serious concerns about who really is Germany.
The reason is a recent article in the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung (FAZ; a major nationwide newspaper). It describes the new style most parties have used for their election manifestos: "Simple Language". As the name suggests this is a radically simplified form of German, which focuses on the active voice, short sentences and avoids metaphors and any foreign or high-brow words. It uses few nouns and many simple verbs, like "make", "do" or "be". In fact, it strongly resembles the way you'd speak to a little child and was originally formalised to help people with mental disabilities or learning deficits.
Some examples (as well as I can translate them into English):
"Cars make lots of fumes. So there should be more trains." - Social Democrats (SPD)
"Weather all over the whole world we call climate. Because of fumes it gets warmer and warmer. That makes icebergs melt. Then the seas have too much water. And there is flooding." - Green Party
Since it is now being used for election material I wonder what this should tell me. Are most voters around 10 years old or have mental disabilities or learning deficits? Has the general level of education in Germany dropped so low that the use of such simple terms is necessary for people to understand party agendas? Or do politicians think their voters are just a bunch of retards? I get the feeling it's a mixture of the latter two. I guess, that is not surprising. Leaders and philosophers throughout history have known that the general public as a whole, the masses, are stupid.
Consider Sir Max Beerbohm saying: "You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men."
What surprises me more is that the FAZ seems to applaude this new development (unless it's very cleverly disguised sarcasm). They even seemed to chide the Liberal Party for not following this move. I for one appreciate that the Liberals obviously still assume their voters have a certain minimum intelligence.
Surely there are people with learning problems or mental disabilities in Germany. They should not be excluded from daily life. I just wonder if their mental capabilities should be taken as the new national standard. Or if somebody with drastically impaired mental capabilities could be trusted to make a mature decision and contribute to the future of our country.
And what's more is that this deliberate use of Simple Language over-simplifies potentially complex issues for the reader. It's one thing to use simple terms to explain to mentally impaired people what global warming means. To discuss possible solutions and how to implement them, and then let the impaired person make an informed choice on who to trust is an entirely different matter.
Moreover, the naïve ordinary reader may then also have the impression that the problem (and its solution) are that easy - "it gets warmer because of fumes, so let there be more trains". The thing is that these issues aren't as simple as that. It may be uncomfortable for the average citizen but that's the way it is. And to relieve people of the need to do their own thinking would mean to breed a nation of morons who get their knowledge of the world spoon-fed by the government. Another brave new world.

Augmented Reality

I've been subject to an interesting opinion today.
I was talking to someone I know; without thinking too much I said that wherever there's my computer I feel at home. The reply took me a bit by surprise:
"Great home ... the Internet.
Great friends ... who give you imaginary hugs.
Great girlfriend ... at the other end of the world, who you'll never smell.
Great reading ... without holding a book in your hands or being able to smell the ink.
Great communication ... without mimics or gestures, without seeing eyes in front of you or smelling someone's breath or hearing the loud laughing of a friend ring in your ears."
I tried to argue that it is this very technology that brings people from as far as different continents closer together.
"Some closeness", came the retort, "that can only come from someone who has long since forgotten how to live with all their senses."
I never got a chance at arguing this further since even this conversation took place in cyberspace. It did get me thinking, though. It is a very current issue. Politicians have been speaking against services like facebook or twitter arguing that young people spend way too much time and energy on the web without forming real relationships. So, I'd like to continue this argument - virtually, so to speak.
Firstly, we'd have to take into account a certain degree of technophobia on the part of some members of older generations. It's a fear of the rapid development and all the new possibilities - and risks - the Internet has opened up. On the part of my acquaintance this much more due to a philosophical point of view (and a strong and mundane desire to pick a fight). Still, there undeniably is some truth in it.
Internet friendships rarely ever go deeper than what you'd call acquaintances in real life. No matter how many hugs or smiles you send, social networking sites may call them "friends" but if we're honest most of them are just entries in a contact list. You can never be part of their lives and they cannot partake in yours. Relationships that go any further than friendship seem so easy but remain unsatisfying since you will never feel the warmth, the closeness that another person next to you brings.
On the other hand, however, long-distance friendships are not new. In the past, they were called pen-friends. Of course, times have changed. You exchange email addresses instead of postal codes. Previously, you had no more than the written word to carry your meaning. Today, with faster and faster Internet connections, you can write letters, use instant messaging to communicate in real time, make voice or even video calls to talk face to face. Web logs allow you to publish your thoughts while platforms like facebook allow you to share pretty much everything with your chosen friends from your favourite movie over your latest holiday snapshot to the contents of your bookshelf. Online libraries, encyclopedias and dictionaries are easily searchable and available 24 hours a day. Online news and information services - corporate but especially independent - are an effective way for people from around the globe to exchange ideas and opinions.
Well, I know it's not all as vanilla as all that. Social networks have their own risks and hazards, people may not be who they seem, and information may be unreliable. But for now I'm just concerned with a princple discussion here.
So, what's the conclusion? I believe it's somewhere in the middle. In terms of utilities, I think the pros have it. It's the human factor where things get difficult. Of course, Internet relationships can never (and probably should never) replace real-life relationships. Even with fully immersive virtual reality it would probably not be entirely the same. But still, social networks have helped me get back in touch with class mates I thought I would never hear of again. A friend that I kept in touch with via the Internet recently got me a ticket to a concert of my favourite band. Instant messengers allowed me share thoughts and feelings with friends that have moved far away. And keep in mind that the argument that started all this also took place via an instant messenging service. Doesn't that prove my point? Without the technology this person was condemning so harshly there would have been no way of sharing that naïve opinion in the first place.
The truth of the matter, I believe, is that like all technology the Internet cannot replace the human touch. The virtual world(s) of the Internet cannot become a healthy substitute for the real world. But it can help us exchange thoughts, stay in touch and up to date with the people we care about - a modern evolution of the classic pen friends. Instead of a virtual substitute, a virtual or alternate reality for escapism I see the Web much more as an enhancement to our lives, an environment that opens new possibilities or channels of communication, that broadens our horizon. Something that doesn't make our senses obsolete but can extend them. An augmented reality.

Unlucky August

August has not been a good month for me on the whole. Even my company's receptionist remarked on that.
I used to be quite blessed with luck. Or that's what I'd think. Maybe I've become too complacent, maybe it was just time that my luck should run out. Maybe it was divinity shaking an admonishing finger at me so as I'd not forget faith.

Where to start?

I moved flats on 1st August, so there was the task of cleaning the new flat. Routine, I assumed. What I hadn't expected was that the previous tenant had just switched off the fridge and left it sitting there for months. When I opened it it reaked of I-don't-know-what. The rubber isolation was covered in red and black mould and some black things like seeds we lying around the shelves. Almost overcome with nausea I spent some three (3!) hours washing, scrubbing and wiping the thing. The little seeds, I found out to my horror, were no mere seeds but looked much rather like the segmented carapaces of small insects. It's beyond me how someone can tolerate that kind of decay and filth. I got rid of the insects and most of the mould but the rubber isolation remains stained and the fridge still smells bad. The landlord is now deciding whether to buy a new fridge. At least, he does seem keen to resolve that matter. It's his fridge, after all.

I also needed some new furniture. I ordered a bed and a wardrobe from a mail order company called Neckermann (one of Germany's largest). I had ordered in mid-July, the order was confirmed with delivery time of beginning of September. When I hadn't heard anything by mid August I wrote to them and found out that my order had been cancelled for "delivery-related reasons" and was going to be renewed. Imagine my annoyance - I had been sleeping on a sofa for over two weeks. To make things worse the new delivery time would be end of September now. When I checked the online account the price of the wardrobe had also increased. Now I was furious. I called and complained. The price could be corrected immediately but they didn't stock the items, so there was nothing to be done about the delivery. I was, of course, free to cancel the order at any time. Great. Of course, that would not get me any closer to getting a bed. I feel like I'll never hear the end of it.

The next thing was getting an Internet connection. In Germany, a technician actually has to come and do some wiring to your house - or if you're lucky just the next external distribution box. I wasn't so lucky. The box is in the basement. So, I needed to be present for the technician. And since the agreement between my provider (Alice) and the German Telekom, who provide the technician, is so fuzzy they can only give you a time frame of 8:00 to 16:00 hours.
I really didn't want to waste a day of annual leave for that. Then I made a cruxial mistake: I assumed intelligence or willingness to work. On the set day I went to work hoping/expecting the technician would come, ring the door, get no answer and call my mobile phone to check where I was. Then I could ask him to wait five minutes while I rode my bike back home. I had it all worked out. Just that the technician didn't call. He left me a card. I had missed him by just 15 minutes but now I needed a new appointment. The following week turned out to be the earliest. Also I would probably have to pay for all following visits.
The following week I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I stayed at home and I waited. But nobody came. At 19:00 I called the provider and was told the technician had reported I wasn't home. I almost screamed at that blatant lie. Now I'd have to wait another week. I wrote them an angry email telling them I wouldn't pay for any further technician calls. I just got an indifferent reply from customer services saying that this was the technicians report and such was their policy and that was the only answer they could give me. We'll see! At least the following week the technician did come and early enough for me to go to work afterwards and just work the rest of the day off as overtime. It seems there are people who go through this four-odd times before they get connected. How can companies do business like that?

I also wanted to visit a friend from Beijing who's studying at Birmingham university at the moment. In July I booked a fairly cheap, direct flight with Lufthansa. She was a bit worried because the dates were around the time when she'd have to resit her exams but she was hoping to make time for me. Then only two weeks before she suddenly called and apologised but I'd have to change the booking. The university had just told her she'd have to resit one exam on the very weekend I'd be there.
I still wonder why universities cannot plan further in advance than two weeks. So, I called Lufthansa but there was no way of changing the booking. I had to cancel and forfeit all but the price of the actual ticket - a trifle these days. I lost more than half the money I had paid. Also, tickets in September seemed to be significantly more expensive. The new booking I made cost more than half the price of the original ticket again. What to do - it's the last chance to see her before she's off back to Beijing again.

Even something as trivial as signing up for electricity hasn't been easy. These things are complicated in Germany, since we like it that way. I can't actually bring myself to expand upon the matter here. It's sorted for now but I expect to hear more soon.

Finally, I'm sure you've read what happened to me at the airport when I visited my friend in London for her 30th birthday. I didn't even realise it was a big number like that. I was so upset to leave my present behind - especially after leaving work early and going through the tasting of wines and finally approving the one I bought.

Now be judge yourself. Was it bad luck? For the moment, I only wish to mercifully forget this month and move on into the next. Surely things can't get much worse. Maybe short of a fire in the flat or ... well, let's say I'll steer clear of ladders and cats the time being. And faith. Let's not forget faith.

Will we change our way of life?

Years ago, when "terrorism" started becoming the international political buzzword number one there was one sentence that politicians like George W. Bush, Tony Blair but also Angela Merkel kept repeating. It ran something like:
"Terrorists may try to intimidate us/the "free world" but they will never make us change our way of life."
Now, looking back I can only find that this was either naïve or a lie. Our way of life has changed. And I'm not even talking about all the new laws on phone tapping, government trojans on your computer, being detained without charge or watched constantly on CCTV cameras.
I'm talking about the simple fact that I wasn't allowed to take a bottle of wine onto a plane from Frankfurt to London to give it to my friend for her birthday. It's EU legislation: no liquids in the hand luggage if it's more than 100 ml. The bottle was 750 ml. I had forgotten. The friendly security officers that screened my backpack told me they couldn't let me take the bottle onboard. No exceptions made. They had already "had whiskey bottles worth some €100 thrown away". It turned out it was also too late to check it in since the plane was already fully loaded. I had the option of drinking it on the spot or trashing it. So, the bottle went in the bin. I was really upset. At least, it wasn't a really expensive wine but that's beside the point: I lost half the birthday present and something I had wanted to share with my friend.
On the flight back I even had to seal my little deodorant roll-on and toothpaste up in a plastic bag.
I can certainly remember times when the only thing to worry about when taking a bottle of wine on a flight was customs. My grandfather was even able to bring an antique dagger on the flight. Nobody would demand you to throw away your present because it made you a potential threat to air traffic safety.
So, now I ask again: Have we let terrorism change our way of life?
Think carefully before you answer.

Gnawing Doubt

Starting a new job isn't easy, I guess. It certainly would be a lot easier if it wasn't for these constantly gnawing thoughts in my head.
When I interviewed I told people how I'm intelligent, a fast learner, have excellent programming skills and so on. I had made up my mind I would not only make an effort but be better than I was while working in UK. When I started work two months ago I wanted to live up to and surpass the promises I made during the interview. I wanted to work hard, learn fast, earn everyone's respect.
Now, two months later, I wonder where I am on that plan. I struggle. I'm sometimes overwhelmed by the amounts of code, even though the product isn't that big yet. I still fail to see the context, how things work together. Even on a small scale. I get confused, I try tracing values through the code and get lost. I stare at bits of code without really seeing the pattern. Then, when I ask and a colleague goes through it with me it's all so clear, so easy, so obvious. Still, the next time round it seems just as difficult again. Then when a colleague helped me with a task it seems he thinks so fast. I found it hard to follow. In the end he just sat in my place and wrote some of the code himself. Of course, that didn't help making me feel any better. And now there's another new colleague who seems so much quicker on the uptake and more professional.
It's not that I don't try and make an effort. Just sometimes I feel that I'm not up to it. That I'm too slow, don't have the talent. At those times I wonder what my colleagues really think about me, and more importantly what the boss thinks of my performance. Is he maybe regretting his decision to hire me? Is he disappointed with what he took for potential? If so, come the end of my probation period, maybe he will "regret to tell me that there is no place for me in their company, after all".
Some people tell me I'm too harsh on myself. But am I really? The thing is that others don't really talk about this. It makes me wonder if I'm alone in this. And I wish people weren't so damn polite. I would like someone to comment on my progress. Is my performance within expected limits or not? Am I just being given difficult tasks or is it that I'm being stupid solving what should be easy assignments?
Could it be that I really lack the talent? And if so where does my talent lie? I would like to think it's in creativity but I have yet to finish any writing that I've started. Then what is it? Languages? Would be a bit too late for that, right, now that I'm not in China anymore.
And I wonder if there will ever be an end to this. Will I ever be as confident as my colleagues are? Given a year or so will I have their snappy competence and be given responsibility for a project? I wish there was not so much an easier but less agonising way through this. Is it really just me?

Revenge My Ass!

This is review of the new Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen. It contains harsh language. There are also a number of spoilers. Neither are avoidable, so if you are offended by either do not read on.

I had such high expectations. I was not going to be discouraged by the initial reviews. Sadly, this time I have to agree. Yes, it's big, it's loud, it has dizzyingly impressive visuals and big explosions, and transforming alien robots. The problem is, it's also in this order. The Transformers - the namesakes of this production, for crying out loud - come last. Apart from them the film is more like a big-budget advertising reel for the US army. The only thing missing are directions on where to sign up.

The Transformers seem to be there mainly to provide a reason for America to mobilise against something - and for comic relief. Take the "twins". Take the little "spybot". Take Jetfire (in the source material one of the most powerful Autobots): a Transformer with a walking stick and uncontrollable bodily functions. Take Bumblebee: His character is reduced to a fierce but cute guard doggy for Spike. At the end of the last film he had learnt to speak. Now he's back to making unintelligible but adorable sounds. Even Starscream (my favourite): He was introduced as one of the most dangerous of all Decepticons in the previous film, where he took on several Autobots and armies of human soldiers. Now he's little more than an embarrassingly comical coward.

The first half or so of the movie is actually fairly promising with some clever Decepticon trickery and introducing some of my favourite characters (like Soundwave, Ravage, the Constructicons or Arcee). They even bring back Megatron - which got me excited like a school boy again. Then follow some episodes about family, college life and how bloody omni-present the CIA are. In the end, though, most of the big heroics - and most of the screen time - go to US soldiers showing off their impressive equipment and response times. Note that in the beginning China's military takes no action - they wait for the US to save the day. Note also that the Autobots actually live as shiny cars in a US army base and only get hoisted around when they are needed - like extras. Then, when we finally get to the climatic battle I had to sit and watch helplessly as Devastator (in the source the ultimate Decepticon fighting machine) is taken out by some damn US secret weapon and an entire Decepticon army is wiped out by an American air strike. The Autobots, who also take part in the battle, are mainly seen in the background shooting at nothing in particular. The face-off between Optimus Prime and the Fallen then comes almost as an after-though. As in: "oh, yes, we still have to finish off that part of the plot."
Now, the source material has always involved the army. It is, after all, about war. That's generally fine. So, in the first film it was tolerable since it also preserved some classic moments. Or so I felt. Here, I disagree with a lot of other viewers. This one, however, has clearly crossed the line. All I see here is that some great source material has been raped - yes, raped! - so that Americans can once again feel good about their eff-ing army.

I went to see this film to see - well, surprise! - the Transformers. What I got was a story about how America's army is so cool they can even take on alien robots. So, maybe this film should be more appropriately named "USA and the Transformers". After the first film I had tears in my eyes for finally seeing the material come the big screen. After this my eyes almost watered again. Only this time it was tears of disappointment and frustration. Such potential - wasted! This film was obviously only made to make more big money with a big franchise and Megan Fox wearing tight outfits. I'm afraid and sad it may even work. I feel this is an insult to the community that so loves these characters. I hope we can go on as if this hadn't happened. I say it now and I mean it: I will not watch any third instalment if it is still Michael Bay and his creative team producing it.

Face your Enemy

It's something you'd expect a Far-Eastern Zen master to teach you: "Your harshest competitor, your worst enemy is in yourself." I found it interesting to experience that first-hand. There's a bit of a story to it.
I had signed up for last week's JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge run. That's a 5.6 km marathon that's held, among other places, in Frankfurt once a year. I'm not the fittest person, really, so I started the run with mixed feelings. The furthest I had run previously was around 4 km and not on a regular basis. Would I reach the finish line, at all? Well, I was in for a surprise. Not only did I reach the finish line but crossing it I realised I was groggy but I could have actually gone on. You might have said I felt empowered. I ran the 5.6 km in about 31 minutes and was asking for more.
I think, a lot of people felt similarly surprised - that they could do more than they thought. "The crowd pulls you along", was something I heard a number of people say. It sounds trivial but I guess they had a point. Maybe it's a mixture of motivation and distraction that makes you go on and lets you think less about the effort of running. There's always something to occupy your mind - whether making sure you're on the right track or avoiding other runners or not tripping in the crowd.
Tonight I ran my usual 4-something kilometers again. It was in better shape than usual but nowhere near that of last Wednesday. The difference is that I know the route and I run alone. If there's nothing much to distract you it's hard to ignore your thumping heart and racing breath. Those sounds become your only companions. And that exactly must be the moment when you encounter your greatest enemy. With nothing to distract you you must face him. That's surely also the reason why many people run with a friend - to get reinforcements. But only if you face your enemy alone and prevail then you've truly defeated him.
One day ... bit by bit ... to wear him down ...