The future. I've never been scared about the future. I've never looked ahead like I do now. People may say the future is full of potential, full of opportunity. But sometimes that all depends on your point of view or at least your frame of mind. I may have worried about the future. Would I pass my A-levels? Would I pass university? Would I find a job? Would I find someone to love? Would my dream of a world-trip come true? But there's more than one way to think about it.
We speed along on the highway of life with no U-turn allowed. When I was young it felt as if all the world was still ahead of me. The scenery that went by did so at a steady trot with enough time to take it in and enjoy the view. Problem of course is that when you have the time you never appreciate that you have it. Then as I finished school the pace picked up. College and university were finished so quickly. Before I knew it my new girlfriend had become my ex-girlfriend. And now it feels as if I had even changed into the fast lane. I do not mean this in the musician's sense of the word as "living an eventful life" (though I do try to fill my days). It's more like everything seems to be happening so fast. Three months pass in what seems like days. A year that I just started is already over and I feel like I just finished thinking about my New Year resolutions. The only things that remain are memories that slowly begin to fade. It's as if you were driving fast through a beautiful landscape at night. Things show up in your headlights, you start anticipating them, then they whir past your window and you have hardly enough time to inspect them more closely. When you look at them in the rear view mirror in the red rear lights they already seem all different and changed until they slowly fade back to black. We are merely left with the certain feeling of: "that place was nice, would have been great if I could have stayed there." Will be becomes now. Is becomes was. And was will never be again.
I guess it's normal to feel nostalgic and a bit melancholic when returning to one's childhood home. I sometimes feel the strong urge to live in that house again, in my old room. To have nothing but my homework to do in the afternoon and lots of time to watch the seasons change and go outside to meet friends and play. I am sometimes almost flooded with memories of the Christmases I spent there, of how I used to watch TV for afternoons on end, gaze at the stars at night. They are memories of what the field where the office building is now used to look like, of the games I played with friends. I can still see it clearly in front of my mind's eye. I see it when I look out of the window of my old room or when I stand in our little garden. And I see how at the centre of it all was this very house and the people in it.
But now there is another, a new feeling, too. Suddenly I have this illogical fear of the future. Because it means loss. Eventually I will loose my grandparents and then my parents. Then I will have no more place to go back to. My home, my childhood and the people that tie me to it will be a thing of the past, for good. I realise that in the past I could never imagine a time when they would not be there. It just seemed unrealistic, surrealistic. Looking at them I see how fragile this future has become. It's coming home to me that I will sooner rather than later have to bid them the last farewells. And then my life will never be the same again. I have been lucky in that I have not yet had to deal with the death of a close relative but that also makes me unlucky because I will not be prepared. No matter how much I think about it now, how much I worry or may be afraid, I will not be prepared. I begin wondering how much time there is left. I am caught between wishing for my freedom and feeling the attachment to them. I pray to God - not that this cup may pass me by (because I know it cannot) - but to give it more time.
I sometimes envy other young people for not feeling this so strongly or for not worrying. I still have dreams of going away again, maybe one day not to come back home. But at the same time I know I will regret it dearly if I do not spend at least some of the time I have with them now. I also realise that maybe it is now time to say that even though we have had our clashes and quarrels I do appreciate them because God knows there are enough people out there who did not take the opportunity and regretted it bitterly. Then I hope there will at least not be any tears of regret when the time comes and is does become was.
Welcome to this outlet for one of many facets of myself. This may include anything from views on current events, general ramblings and rant to short stories by yours truly.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Monday, February 07, 2011
The Greatest Thing ...
I've watched that film again ... after a very long time. The medium has changed. So has the place. I thought I could watch it now like I do any other film in my collection. But some things time does not change.
As the familiar sights and sounds flood over me so do the memories. It was the first movie we watched together. She had to work hard to persuade me to watch it with her but I ended up loving it as much as she did. We absorbed it and it became us in a certain way. It may seem naive or silly now but we found a deeper, personal meaning in the story and the characters and the songs. We would later quote from it and see ourselves as similarly fated star-crossed lovers.
But most of all it became our first tangible shared experience. Sitting in the dark cinema with her she had to keep telling me to focus on the film. I was too overwhelmed by her presence next to me. I remember it now as clearly as if it had been last week.
Hearing these words now I remember how it as a time when love was something mad, wild and dreamy like a force of nature. I remember listening to the song and for the first time I understood what the character was singing about. I was delirious.
And even though a lot of things have changed since then - feelings and people - I still recall those moments and the feelings then. The film has become my memory aid. By watching it I can relive those days a bit. And though I am happy now I do feel a sting that all that is past now and will not come back. I want to be back there in that dark cinema and dream again. I cannot feel anymore like I did then. It's never quite the same again. The first time is and will always be special. Maybe it's a blessing for her that she has forgotten. Maybe I should too. But there will probably always be this pang of regret now that I didn't make it last forever the way I had meant to when we were sitting in that dark cinema together and listened to those magical words:
As the familiar sights and sounds flood over me so do the memories. It was the first movie we watched together. She had to work hard to persuade me to watch it with her but I ended up loving it as much as she did. We absorbed it and it became us in a certain way. It may seem naive or silly now but we found a deeper, personal meaning in the story and the characters and the songs. We would later quote from it and see ourselves as similarly fated star-crossed lovers.
But most of all it became our first tangible shared experience. Sitting in the dark cinema with her she had to keep telling me to focus on the film. I was too overwhelmed by her presence next to me. I remember it now as clearly as if it had been last week.
And you can tell everybody this is your song.
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind,
that I put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world.
Hearing these words now I remember how it as a time when love was something mad, wild and dreamy like a force of nature. I remember listening to the song and for the first time I understood what the character was singing about. I was delirious.
And even though a lot of things have changed since then - feelings and people - I still recall those moments and the feelings then. The film has become my memory aid. By watching it I can relive those days a bit. And though I am happy now I do feel a sting that all that is past now and will not come back. I want to be back there in that dark cinema and dream again. I cannot feel anymore like I did then. It's never quite the same again. The first time is and will always be special. Maybe it's a blessing for her that she has forgotten. Maybe I should too. But there will probably always be this pang of regret now that I didn't make it last forever the way I had meant to when we were sitting in that dark cinema together and listened to those magical words:
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Are you flexible?
Just a little thought ...
What does "flexible" mean?
Let's check the dictionary:
I find it interesting the way it is used these days, especially in a business environment. When we write the word on our CV we mean the meaning no. 2.b above. "Keen, flexible professional ..." Companies also love using it. "Flexible tasks and working hours". But they use it more in the meaning of no. 2.a above.
And then there's the one that HR may use if they are not sure if or when they can hire you: "We need to decide this flexibly." And there's also the way your boss tells you that you'll spend some of the immediate portion of your life commuting back and forth to a customer site not knowing exactly when you'll start and when you'll have a life again. "You need to be flexible." Which meaning is that? Is it any of the above? Or does it mean: "required to put up with us pissing around until we can be hedgehogged to make up our minds"? Whatever it is, it should be in the next edition of the Oxford Advanced Learner's.
Like I said, just a thought.
What does "flexible" mean?
Let's check the dictionary:
- capable of being bent, usually without breaking
- susceptible of modification or adaptation; adaptable
- willing or disposed to yield; pliable
I find it interesting the way it is used these days, especially in a business environment. When we write the word on our CV we mean the meaning no. 2.b above. "Keen, flexible professional ..." Companies also love using it. "Flexible tasks and working hours". But they use it more in the meaning of no. 2.a above.
And then there's the one that HR may use if they are not sure if or when they can hire you: "We need to decide this flexibly." And there's also the way your boss tells you that you'll spend some of the immediate portion of your life commuting back and forth to a customer site not knowing exactly when you'll start and when you'll have a life again. "You need to be flexible." Which meaning is that? Is it any of the above? Or does it mean: "required to put up with us pissing around until we can be hedgehogged to make up our minds"? Whatever it is, it should be in the next edition of the Oxford Advanced Learner's.
Like I said, just a thought.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Beast
A slightly different take on the classic. I guess I don't have to mention where this is from.
Once upon a time there was a forest. Long ago it had been lush and green. During day time golden sunlight had filtered through emerald leaves. Graceful deer had played in the clearings while squirrels had hectically darted up and down trees searching for their hidden treasures. Colourful birds had greeted every new day with their songs while at night owls bade it a hooting farewell. All this, however, was no more. The forest was now dark and forbidding. The trees had grown gnarled and twisted. Sunlight did not seem to reach the ground nor did moonlight sparkle on the hidden pools at night. Birds would not sing and deer dared not tread. Red-eyed wolves prowled the dark of night tearing all to pieces that they found.
In this forest there was an old tower. In fact, it may well have once been a mighty keep with turrets and battlements. Banners may have flown high in the breeze and even trumpets may have sounded at the return of the master of this place. Now, however, it was little more than a ruin. Flag poles were snapped, battlements crumbled. Even its mighty gates had rotted and collapsed under their own weight and the water of the moat had turned into a pungent cesspool shunned even by rats and devoid of any and all life. Only the tower still stood, rising above the crumbled remains of the other buildings like a hollow tooth in an old hag's mouth.
Still, no living being dared to set foot in that place nor so much as go near. The animals avoided it and travellers went out of their way to take the longer road around the forest and its tower. Because the old tower in the middle of the forest was the home of a beast.
It was a beast so terrible that nobody had yet claimed to have faced it and lived. Yet the stories about it were many. I was said to be so ugly that it would make mirrors shatter, milk turn sour or even make a man that laid eyes on it turn to stone. Its teeth were said to drip venom. Its breath was said to make flowers shrivel. And where it set foot, so people told, grass would instantly wither and die and not grow again for a year and a day. So vicious it was that even wolves and great bears were afraid of its bite and its claws. And when its roar echoed through the night it seemed as if the whole world fell quiet and held its breath with fear. It ate little children, some whispered. Others would assure you it fed on a single virgin once a year. Some claimed to have seen it stalk the little nearby villages at night in the guise of a lonely traveller and only the flicking tail from under its cloak would give it away. It was in league with witches, satyrs or even the devil himself people suspected. Within its tower it did unspeakable, unholy things. One thing, however, everybody agreed on: it was evil and deserved no pity nor mercy.
The beast had, in fact, once been a handsome prince, some old folks would tell. But the prince had been selfish and mean, deceitful and cruel. So, when one day an old crone came to his castle at the centre of the forest and had begged for a place in the stables that night he had turned her away and laughed. Then she was a crone no more but a beautiful sorceress and had laid on him a terrible curse. He would henceforth take the outward shape of what his heart was like inside. He would remain like this until his heart was finally cleansed by the flame of true love or he would die a hideous beast. Then she had vanished and his servants had fled in horror and he had been alone. Alone with his spite and his hate and his shame.
As years went by the castle fell into ruin and the longer he was alone the blacker his heart would grow and the more hideous he became. Heroes came to slay the terrible beast but he frightened them away easily or tore those to pieces that would not be daunted. But no maiden came to save his soul and there was no love in his heart. Eventually, he abandoned all hope that the curse would ever be lifted because who would ever love a terrible beast such as him?
Would it not have been a happy coincidence if, at this point, a fair maiden had got lost in the dark forest and somehow had found her way to the beast's castle? She would, of course, have been terrified by his appearance at first. But maybe she would have discovered that despite his roaring and beastly appearance and manners all the time spent as a loathed and feared monstrosity had changed him. Might she not have found that now he was merely a lonely, pitiful creature afraid to accept anybody's help? And indeed, she may have realised that he was a soul hoping to better himself and in search of a chance for redemption. She may have found a reborn, noble heart beneath the monstrous exterior - a heart worth forgiving, trusting and maybe even loving. Thus, after many years of imprisonment the curse might have eventually been broken and the beast released from its punishment. They might have lived happily ever after.
The truth is that maiden did come. Only what she found was not a pitiful, lonely creature looking for redemption. What she encountered there hidden in the dark tower living like an animal was a soul filled to the brim with bitterness and hate. Not with the world at large - that she may have understood, for a man can only spend so long in the body of a monster with all the world loathing him. But all his contempt was only for himself. There had been that beautiful sorceress once, though she was a sorceress only for enchanting him utterly. But despite his love for her he had been selfish and mean. And still she had stayed seeing the good in him and believing she could bring it out like a flower grows out of parched earth. But for every time he hurt her he found himself more and more unable to face his own reflection anymore. How could he deserve this woman's love? How could he accept what she gave him so willingly? Every harsh word he spoke cut him almost the same deep as it did her yet though he vowed to change he never did. He began to hate her for every time she forgave him. And he loathed himself for needing the love she would still give him and which he did not deserve. Nearly mad with shame and contempt he turned it all against her and made it her mistake. Every kind word or gentle touch he would shove back at her like a mouldy apple. Finally, she stopped smiling and her loving words dried out. Then he sank into a deep, dark sadness. It was only then when she found that he was in this place where she could not possibly follow him and remain sane that she abandoned him.
And it was that day, when he found her gone, that he turned into a beast. In a fit of grief and rage he smashed all the mirrors and windows, tore down the tapestries and paintings and burnt them and drove away all the servants. Only when he had finally destroyed everything beautiful and everything that could possibly remind him of her that he rested. That night was the first time his howl of despair was heard echoing through the forest. Living like an animal he drove everyone away regardless of whether they had come to harm him or help him. Years upon years he lived there haunted by memories that would not fade of mistakes he could not undo anymore. Even though she may have eventually forgiven him it was he himself that refused to be forgiven wearing his guilt like a self-flagellation, or a self-inflicted mark of shame. And possibly the only reason that kept him from taking his own life became a grim willingness to endure pain upon pain unto the bitter end.
When then the maiden did find him she found something far more terrifying than the monster from the legends. She found a soul who had by all his will shut happiness out of his life and destroyed everything that he loved so that the pain he would have to endure would have no end. The prince had cursed himself.
Once upon a time there was a forest. Long ago it had been lush and green. During day time golden sunlight had filtered through emerald leaves. Graceful deer had played in the clearings while squirrels had hectically darted up and down trees searching for their hidden treasures. Colourful birds had greeted every new day with their songs while at night owls bade it a hooting farewell. All this, however, was no more. The forest was now dark and forbidding. The trees had grown gnarled and twisted. Sunlight did not seem to reach the ground nor did moonlight sparkle on the hidden pools at night. Birds would not sing and deer dared not tread. Red-eyed wolves prowled the dark of night tearing all to pieces that they found.
In this forest there was an old tower. In fact, it may well have once been a mighty keep with turrets and battlements. Banners may have flown high in the breeze and even trumpets may have sounded at the return of the master of this place. Now, however, it was little more than a ruin. Flag poles were snapped, battlements crumbled. Even its mighty gates had rotted and collapsed under their own weight and the water of the moat had turned into a pungent cesspool shunned even by rats and devoid of any and all life. Only the tower still stood, rising above the crumbled remains of the other buildings like a hollow tooth in an old hag's mouth.
Still, no living being dared to set foot in that place nor so much as go near. The animals avoided it and travellers went out of their way to take the longer road around the forest and its tower. Because the old tower in the middle of the forest was the home of a beast.
It was a beast so terrible that nobody had yet claimed to have faced it and lived. Yet the stories about it were many. I was said to be so ugly that it would make mirrors shatter, milk turn sour or even make a man that laid eyes on it turn to stone. Its teeth were said to drip venom. Its breath was said to make flowers shrivel. And where it set foot, so people told, grass would instantly wither and die and not grow again for a year and a day. So vicious it was that even wolves and great bears were afraid of its bite and its claws. And when its roar echoed through the night it seemed as if the whole world fell quiet and held its breath with fear. It ate little children, some whispered. Others would assure you it fed on a single virgin once a year. Some claimed to have seen it stalk the little nearby villages at night in the guise of a lonely traveller and only the flicking tail from under its cloak would give it away. It was in league with witches, satyrs or even the devil himself people suspected. Within its tower it did unspeakable, unholy things. One thing, however, everybody agreed on: it was evil and deserved no pity nor mercy.
The beast had, in fact, once been a handsome prince, some old folks would tell. But the prince had been selfish and mean, deceitful and cruel. So, when one day an old crone came to his castle at the centre of the forest and had begged for a place in the stables that night he had turned her away and laughed. Then she was a crone no more but a beautiful sorceress and had laid on him a terrible curse. He would henceforth take the outward shape of what his heart was like inside. He would remain like this until his heart was finally cleansed by the flame of true love or he would die a hideous beast. Then she had vanished and his servants had fled in horror and he had been alone. Alone with his spite and his hate and his shame.
As years went by the castle fell into ruin and the longer he was alone the blacker his heart would grow and the more hideous he became. Heroes came to slay the terrible beast but he frightened them away easily or tore those to pieces that would not be daunted. But no maiden came to save his soul and there was no love in his heart. Eventually, he abandoned all hope that the curse would ever be lifted because who would ever love a terrible beast such as him?
Would it not have been a happy coincidence if, at this point, a fair maiden had got lost in the dark forest and somehow had found her way to the beast's castle? She would, of course, have been terrified by his appearance at first. But maybe she would have discovered that despite his roaring and beastly appearance and manners all the time spent as a loathed and feared monstrosity had changed him. Might she not have found that now he was merely a lonely, pitiful creature afraid to accept anybody's help? And indeed, she may have realised that he was a soul hoping to better himself and in search of a chance for redemption. She may have found a reborn, noble heart beneath the monstrous exterior - a heart worth forgiving, trusting and maybe even loving. Thus, after many years of imprisonment the curse might have eventually been broken and the beast released from its punishment. They might have lived happily ever after.
The truth is that maiden did come. Only what she found was not a pitiful, lonely creature looking for redemption. What she encountered there hidden in the dark tower living like an animal was a soul filled to the brim with bitterness and hate. Not with the world at large - that she may have understood, for a man can only spend so long in the body of a monster with all the world loathing him. But all his contempt was only for himself. There had been that beautiful sorceress once, though she was a sorceress only for enchanting him utterly. But despite his love for her he had been selfish and mean. And still she had stayed seeing the good in him and believing she could bring it out like a flower grows out of parched earth. But for every time he hurt her he found himself more and more unable to face his own reflection anymore. How could he deserve this woman's love? How could he accept what she gave him so willingly? Every harsh word he spoke cut him almost the same deep as it did her yet though he vowed to change he never did. He began to hate her for every time she forgave him. And he loathed himself for needing the love she would still give him and which he did not deserve. Nearly mad with shame and contempt he turned it all against her and made it her mistake. Every kind word or gentle touch he would shove back at her like a mouldy apple. Finally, she stopped smiling and her loving words dried out. Then he sank into a deep, dark sadness. It was only then when she found that he was in this place where she could not possibly follow him and remain sane that she abandoned him.
And it was that day, when he found her gone, that he turned into a beast. In a fit of grief and rage he smashed all the mirrors and windows, tore down the tapestries and paintings and burnt them and drove away all the servants. Only when he had finally destroyed everything beautiful and everything that could possibly remind him of her that he rested. That night was the first time his howl of despair was heard echoing through the forest. Living like an animal he drove everyone away regardless of whether they had come to harm him or help him. Years upon years he lived there haunted by memories that would not fade of mistakes he could not undo anymore. Even though she may have eventually forgiven him it was he himself that refused to be forgiven wearing his guilt like a self-flagellation, or a self-inflicted mark of shame. And possibly the only reason that kept him from taking his own life became a grim willingness to endure pain upon pain unto the bitter end.
When then the maiden did find him she found something far more terrifying than the monster from the legends. She found a soul who had by all his will shut happiness out of his life and destroyed everything that he loved so that the pain he would have to endure would have no end. The prince had cursed himself.
Monday, July 05, 2010
有朋 - If a friend ...
“有朋自远方来，不亦乐乎？”
"If a friend comes from afar would you not be happy?"
This famous quote by none other than the great Confucius himself adorns the arrival hall of Beijing Capital Airport. Printed on a huge banner it spans the lofty glass and steel heights above the immigration desks. Further back hang similar banners with words of welcome in various Western languages.
Welcome.
Bien venu.
Willkommen.
Unfortunately, the reality looks a bit different now. While it is still easy enough to obtain a Chinese visa, legislation concerning foreigners in the country has become more frustrating.
One is concerning hotels. Not just any hotel can accommodate foreigners. They have to be (for lack of a better word) "licenced" to do so. In the past, possibly in the run-up to the Olympics (when I was there last) this was not taken so seriously. Now, that the games are over checks have become stricter and more frequent. So, hotels are very strict about the matter. The same actually also goes for apartment complexes. Foreigners are not allowed to just live anywhere either.
I first found out about this because I was supposed to stay with a friend. I dropped my suitcase there after arriving but in the evening the guards (some young boys) would not let me in anymore. My friend kindly even called the supervisor but was told that, unfortunately, I would have to leave the next day and stay somewhere else. The first hotel I tried in that neighbourhood then also told me that they were sorry but they were not allowed to admit foreigners. Only a large three-star hotel finally took me in. I ended up spending more then 300 RMB for the night. But it got better. In Chengde me and a friend spent the better part of one evening trying different hotels - from small 50-RMB family run affairs to even a large three-star place. All were very apologetic but said it was not allowed. Foreigners, one young receptionist told me, could now only stay in hotels four-stars or better. Eventually, the cheapest such place we could find in Chengde still cost 480 RMB a night - a shocking more than 50 EUR!
The next shock was going online. I love net bars in China - I don't really know why but I feel a bit at home among the gamers and geeks. Now however, to use a net bar you need a Chinese national ID card (身份证), which is swiped when you pay and your ID number becomes your username. You can't do this with foreign passports, so those are disallowed. I find this a very worrying development since when your card is swiped it brings your photo and all your personal information up on the screen. This would give the government or police an incredibly powerful tool to monitor the web usage of each and every user. How much more Big Brother could it get?
Actually, I also wonder how backpackers these days get online - unless they stay at one of the youth hostels. In my time, I relied on the net bars to contact friends and family, check train schedules or look for hotels. Doing that offline would be a lot harder - especially if you don't speak Chinese.
Why am I moaning about this? People might say: "why not go to a country that has a more permissive legislation?" But actually, I love China. This time going back there felt a bit like returning home. Sadly, regulations like these are frustrating and make going back a bitter-sweet experience. My friend says things will change again. I hope for the better.
"If a friend comes from afar would you not be happy?"
This famous quote by none other than the great Confucius himself adorns the arrival hall of Beijing Capital Airport. Printed on a huge banner it spans the lofty glass and steel heights above the immigration desks. Further back hang similar banners with words of welcome in various Western languages.
Welcome.
Bien venu.
Willkommen.
Unfortunately, the reality looks a bit different now. While it is still easy enough to obtain a Chinese visa, legislation concerning foreigners in the country has become more frustrating.
One is concerning hotels. Not just any hotel can accommodate foreigners. They have to be (for lack of a better word) "licenced" to do so. In the past, possibly in the run-up to the Olympics (when I was there last) this was not taken so seriously. Now, that the games are over checks have become stricter and more frequent. So, hotels are very strict about the matter. The same actually also goes for apartment complexes. Foreigners are not allowed to just live anywhere either.
I first found out about this because I was supposed to stay with a friend. I dropped my suitcase there after arriving but in the evening the guards (some young boys) would not let me in anymore. My friend kindly even called the supervisor but was told that, unfortunately, I would have to leave the next day and stay somewhere else. The first hotel I tried in that neighbourhood then also told me that they were sorry but they were not allowed to admit foreigners. Only a large three-star hotel finally took me in. I ended up spending more then 300 RMB for the night. But it got better. In Chengde me and a friend spent the better part of one evening trying different hotels - from small 50-RMB family run affairs to even a large three-star place. All were very apologetic but said it was not allowed. Foreigners, one young receptionist told me, could now only stay in hotels four-stars or better. Eventually, the cheapest such place we could find in Chengde still cost 480 RMB a night - a shocking more than 50 EUR!
The next shock was going online. I love net bars in China - I don't really know why but I feel a bit at home among the gamers and geeks. Now however, to use a net bar you need a Chinese national ID card (身份证), which is swiped when you pay and your ID number becomes your username. You can't do this with foreign passports, so those are disallowed. I find this a very worrying development since when your card is swiped it brings your photo and all your personal information up on the screen. This would give the government or police an incredibly powerful tool to monitor the web usage of each and every user. How much more Big Brother could it get?
Actually, I also wonder how backpackers these days get online - unless they stay at one of the youth hostels. In my time, I relied on the net bars to contact friends and family, check train schedules or look for hotels. Doing that offline would be a lot harder - especially if you don't speak Chinese.
Why am I moaning about this? People might say: "why not go to a country that has a more permissive legislation?" But actually, I love China. This time going back there felt a bit like returning home. Sadly, regulations like these are frustrating and make going back a bitter-sweet experience. My friend says things will change again. I hope for the better.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Welcome to Germany?
Trying to help somebody enter my country who requires an official permission to do so, a visa, has opened my eyes to what seems to be a strange imbalance. When I applied for my student visa to China in 2007 I needed my passport, a passport-sized photograph, a filled in application form, a letter of acceptance from my school and some €25 - 30. Now in reverse, to say for a Chinese citizen to apply for a European Schengen visa is a major pain is a major understatement (so let this be my apology to any Chinese citizens reading this). To apply for a similar student visa they need also proof of their livelihood: half a year as a student requires a balance of at least €7660 - the mind boggles at the number - or an official letter of invitation from a person or organisation in Germany that will provide for their livelihood. They need a letter from the school they enrolled at showing that they have paid their tuition fees in full (this may well not be a trivial amount either). They require evidence that they have bought German health insurance covering at least €30,000 plus repatriation. They require a complete curriculum vitae. Finally, the applicant must write a detailed explanation why he or she would like to study in Germany. It goes without saying that you need to bring various copies of all this. You then have to attend a formal interview with someone from the embassy where you will probably be further quizzed as to your motives and plans and whatnot.
Now I understand Germany wants to protect itself from "economic refugees". Those would be foreigners, mostly from poor, developing countries, who see Germany is wealthy, offers lots of social benefits and thus try very hard to sneak into the country and somehow become part of this system (preferably without putting in too much).
On the other hand, Germany has granted asylum to hundreds of thousands of foreigners, most of who have no means to support themselves, many even arrive with hardly any belongings at all. Furthermore, Germany is also inviting Russians of German descent to return to Germany, regardless of how long their family has lived in Russia. The German government provides for these people including food and housing. There have even been complaints that some asylum seeker housing was not as good as the average home of local people.
Now this is a difficult situation. We don't want to appear unkind. There are also still many Germans around who know what it is like to be a refugee because of war or persecution. We don't want to see other people in the world suffer. And since we are better off than many it is only right to offer aid and succor to those who need it. However, a number of these asylum seekers are just that kind of economic refugees that we are trying so hard to keep out. I really wonder just how many of them are these days. Moreover, many then proceed to bring over large families from their homes that also need support.
I want there to be no misunderstanding. I have no problem living in a multi-cultural nation. Most of my friends are not German. I would like to be able to say that visitors and permanent residents from other countries have enriched Germany with more than just cheap Chinese and Turkish take-aways. And I would welcome more cultural interchange.
However, why is it so complicated for a Chinese to come to Germany and visit a language school (or even just come for a holiday) whereas asylum seekers don't seem to be given much of a second thought. The fundamental difference is, of course, that the Chinese student comes to Germany to spend money whereas the average asylum seeker comes needing money. Again, I want to stress that I don't mean we should close our borders to people in need. There needs to be a reasonable limit to how much aid Germany can and will offer. We may look like a wealthy country to people in the developing world and the exchange rate makes us even more so. What many don't know is that Germany is itself struggling with some deep-seated financial problems like its health-care system or its old-age pensions (just to name a few). The government recently vowed to spend billions of Euros to help Greece and that was money they technically did not have. My point is that if the government continues to give away stuff (this also includes benefits and subsidies to Germans but that's yet another story) it will be us who will end up poor. And this will mean that we will have nothing left to give either.
I believe it is high time for a change of direction: to encourage people to come to Germany not to receive money but to spend it. I have spoken to some Chinese people who opted to go to Switzerland or Czeck Republic or other European countries simply because the German visa application is so complicated. Thus, entire groups of Chinese tourists or students wealthy enough to afford flight tickets, hotels or even tuition choose to spend their money somewhere else. Continuing to liberally admit asylum seekers may give us the moral higher ground to countries which choose not to but moral is not something a country can continue to exist on. Just as an example, the UK attracts thousands of foreigners every year by making education one of their major exports. I used to be one of them. Non-EU students sometimes pay in excess of £10,000 for a single year of higher education. A stupefying sum which does not even include living or housing, which then costs you a further arm and a leg. Teaching may only be average, the living standard may be low compared to other European countries but still they keep coming. They somehow manage to present little UK as the promised land. I think Germany really needs to rethink its marketing strategy.
Now I understand Germany wants to protect itself from "economic refugees". Those would be foreigners, mostly from poor, developing countries, who see Germany is wealthy, offers lots of social benefits and thus try very hard to sneak into the country and somehow become part of this system (preferably without putting in too much).
On the other hand, Germany has granted asylum to hundreds of thousands of foreigners, most of who have no means to support themselves, many even arrive with hardly any belongings at all. Furthermore, Germany is also inviting Russians of German descent to return to Germany, regardless of how long their family has lived in Russia. The German government provides for these people including food and housing. There have even been complaints that some asylum seeker housing was not as good as the average home of local people.
Now this is a difficult situation. We don't want to appear unkind. There are also still many Germans around who know what it is like to be a refugee because of war or persecution. We don't want to see other people in the world suffer. And since we are better off than many it is only right to offer aid and succor to those who need it. However, a number of these asylum seekers are just that kind of economic refugees that we are trying so hard to keep out. I really wonder just how many of them are these days. Moreover, many then proceed to bring over large families from their homes that also need support.
I want there to be no misunderstanding. I have no problem living in a multi-cultural nation. Most of my friends are not German. I would like to be able to say that visitors and permanent residents from other countries have enriched Germany with more than just cheap Chinese and Turkish take-aways. And I would welcome more cultural interchange.
However, why is it so complicated for a Chinese to come to Germany and visit a language school (or even just come for a holiday) whereas asylum seekers don't seem to be given much of a second thought. The fundamental difference is, of course, that the Chinese student comes to Germany to spend money whereas the average asylum seeker comes needing money. Again, I want to stress that I don't mean we should close our borders to people in need. There needs to be a reasonable limit to how much aid Germany can and will offer. We may look like a wealthy country to people in the developing world and the exchange rate makes us even more so. What many don't know is that Germany is itself struggling with some deep-seated financial problems like its health-care system or its old-age pensions (just to name a few). The government recently vowed to spend billions of Euros to help Greece and that was money they technically did not have. My point is that if the government continues to give away stuff (this also includes benefits and subsidies to Germans but that's yet another story) it will be us who will end up poor. And this will mean that we will have nothing left to give either.
I believe it is high time for a change of direction: to encourage people to come to Germany not to receive money but to spend it. I have spoken to some Chinese people who opted to go to Switzerland or Czeck Republic or other European countries simply because the German visa application is so complicated. Thus, entire groups of Chinese tourists or students wealthy enough to afford flight tickets, hotels or even tuition choose to spend their money somewhere else. Continuing to liberally admit asylum seekers may give us the moral higher ground to countries which choose not to but moral is not something a country can continue to exist on. Just as an example, the UK attracts thousands of foreigners every year by making education one of their major exports. I used to be one of them. Non-EU students sometimes pay in excess of £10,000 for a single year of higher education. A stupefying sum which does not even include living or housing, which then costs you a further arm and a leg. Teaching may only be average, the living standard may be low compared to other European countries but still they keep coming. They somehow manage to present little UK as the promised land. I think Germany really needs to rethink its marketing strategy.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Exotic Attraction
I was once asked by a - not very mature - German girl why it is that I've dated so many Asian girls and hardly any from my own country. She continued in this slightly disdainful voice: "Is it because they are quieter? Or because they are more obedient? Is it because men feel they can have their way with them more easily when a German (or European) girl would tell them to go to hell?" I don't remember what I answered then - and it doesn't matter since she wasn't really looking for an answer but rather an outlet for her prejudice. I also believe I noticed the looks some German girls will give me and my Chinese friend (really just that) when walking around Frankfurt. Look at him, they seem to say, someone got himself a little China doll.
Having seen what I have now on my trip to Egypt and in TV programs about holiday places like Morocco, I guess, I should have replied with another observation. Maybe it is something of the same reason that you see so many foreign girls - English or German or French or whatever - spending time getting close to young Arab men in places like Egypt. On one hand I've talked to quite a number of girls from China that said they have had or want to have a Western boyfriend from England, Germany, USA, and so on. On the other, many young Egyptian men have told me - even boasted - that they have had girlfriends or brief relationships with girls from those same countries. In both cases some of these have even led to a wedding.
The reason, or background, I believe, is essentially the same: that you look for something abroad that you feel you cannot find at home. Or you may go after a kind of exotic attraction. Whatever that may exactly mean to the individual.
What I find unfair then is those same girls getting judgmental on me for having a relationship with an Asian girl while they will go running after an Arab or Turkish guy - or Spanish or Italian - for their dark skin or temperament or colourful pick-up lines. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it - everybody have to go after what they feel they need. I don't want this to become a nationalist or even racist argument. In fact, would it not be better to drop all these superficial cultural pre-occupations? I may not like seeing pretty German girls going to Egypt, Morocco, Spain or Italy for a little adventure. German girls may not like finding out that I seem to have had most of my relationships with girls from Asian countries. But those are no more than personal sentiments and that's the important thing to realise - and to accept. Maybe that way the sexes can achieve a truce over this.
Having seen what I have now on my trip to Egypt and in TV programs about holiday places like Morocco, I guess, I should have replied with another observation. Maybe it is something of the same reason that you see so many foreign girls - English or German or French or whatever - spending time getting close to young Arab men in places like Egypt. On one hand I've talked to quite a number of girls from China that said they have had or want to have a Western boyfriend from England, Germany, USA, and so on. On the other, many young Egyptian men have told me - even boasted - that they have had girlfriends or brief relationships with girls from those same countries. In both cases some of these have even led to a wedding.
The reason, or background, I believe, is essentially the same: that you look for something abroad that you feel you cannot find at home. Or you may go after a kind of exotic attraction. Whatever that may exactly mean to the individual.
What I find unfair then is those same girls getting judgmental on me for having a relationship with an Asian girl while they will go running after an Arab or Turkish guy - or Spanish or Italian - for their dark skin or temperament or colourful pick-up lines. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it - everybody have to go after what they feel they need. I don't want this to become a nationalist or even racist argument. In fact, would it not be better to drop all these superficial cultural pre-occupations? I may not like seeing pretty German girls going to Egypt, Morocco, Spain or Italy for a little adventure. German girls may not like finding out that I seem to have had most of my relationships with girls from Asian countries. But those are no more than personal sentiments and that's the important thing to realise - and to accept. Maybe that way the sexes can achieve a truce over this.
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