I've been wanting to write this for a while now. I've only been back to Germany for two months and there are already a number of things that annoy me. One major cause is Die Bahn (former Deutsche Bahn, DB, German rail company). I'm interviewing at the moment, so I have to travel often and see quite a bit of that.
Germany is "the country of poets and thinkers", therefore rail tickets in Germany have colourful names - that have little to nothing to do with the tariff they're for. Try it: What do you think is the difference between a "Schöner Tag Ticket" ("Nice Day Ticket") and a "Schöne Reise Ticket" ("Nice Journey Ticket")? They sound a bit like the brain-child of an under-challenged, psychology graduate marketing intern. "We're telling people they will have a nice day if they buy this product, so they will like it." As it turns out, both tickets are valid for all of North Rhine Westphalia. The difference is that the former ticket includes all local public transport but is only valid from 9am to 3am (essentially excluding early rush hour). The latter ticket is valid for 24 hours but does not include public transport other than main line trains. Both tickets exclude fast or express trains. I only found that out after almost walking out of the ticket shop with the wrong ticket. As if the tariff conditions were not already complicated enough! This then make me wonder: What's wrong with calling the former, say, "NRW Inklusiv" and the latter, being wildly imaginative, "NRW 24h"? Or something of that sort. Anything. What's more, these tariffs are not even explained if you want to buy the tickets from a vending machine. I quietly suspect that there is a hidden strategy. Both tickets mentioned above are saver tariffs. Now, people can't possibly save money if they don't understand how to. Get it?
Speaking of vending machines. Speaking of complicated. I understand that the elder generation will on occasion have trouble handling modern technology. The ticket vending machines deployed by DB, however, are of a different breed. I've seen youngsters that surely grew up with computers, electronic gadgets and the Internet give up in despair. The funny thing is that major train stations featuring these machines soon also had a dedicated employee or two wearing a vest saying "Automaten Guide" ("Vending Machine Guide"), whose only task was to explain to you how to use the blasted thing. Obviously, the message had got through that the machines were not user friendly. Now, imagine you're a software vendor and your customers tell you: "Your product is not usable, the interface is confusing." The reasonable and sane answer would be: "Ok, we'll make it simpler." Not so. DB's reaction: "Be patient, we'll explain it to you." Probably you can't expect any other reaction from a company that used to be a branch of the Federal Government. Now imagine small stations where there's not even a Automaten Guide. There have even been reports of machines not working (not offline but faulty) and then people being fined for not having a valid ticket. Half the machines that I tried refused to accept my bank notes - fairly fresh, tidy ones even. And I thought they had gotten on top of that technology by now. And when you give up and go to the counter there will, of course, be a long queue of people who all had the same idea. What is so difficult about having a simple no-frills, no-fancy-graphics, Windows-wizard-style, question-driven menu system: "Where do you want to go? (type a search text)", "When do you want to go?", "Do you want a return?", if "yes" do same again for return leg, show a list of applicable tariffs, ask for payment?
I'm really not a fan of National Rail and rail operators in UK. I think the rail network, trains and sometimes the service were God-awful. But the tickets had simple, descriptive names like "Single", "Return" or "Day Ticket". The vending machines were sometimes out of order but the usage was simple and intuitive.
Now, I ask: How is it possible that in a technologically advanced country like Germany we can have better infrastructure, better trains but can't get something basic as ticketing right?!
Welcome to this outlet for one of many facets of myself. This may include anything from views on current events, general ramblings and rant to short stories by yours truly.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Liberté. Toujours.
"Freedom. Always." That's the advertising slogan the cigarette brand Gauloises use here in Germany. The picture shows a couple of young people relaxing on a roof terrace overlooking Paris smoking cigarettes. It reminds me a lot of an old Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. Watching commercials on TV Calvin observes sarcastically that the attractive role model in the ad asserts his individuality by conforming to the brand he's advertising for. So, you're free smoking Gauloises? I wonder how free you feel being addicted to the stuff, as I know friends of mine are. Or you can feel cool and attractive because the poster shows other cool and attractive people smoking Gauloises? Of course, we know it's just a poster, right? And how free are we if we need to do what a poster tells us to be happy? Then again the air around Gauloises smokers does smell a bit like the Parisian smog.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Epiphany
I've been thinking a lot recently. I've had the time.
I've met many religious people - Christians, Muslims, Buddhists. So, I've been thinking about religion. I've never been very religious. Still, at some point, in rainy, lonely Qingdao I went to a German-built Protestant church and prayed. I prayed for my friend, a girl that meant and means a lot to me, who believes in God herself. That was my first thought, I wanted to go and pray to the god she believed in and ask him to help her. It turned out quite different. This was only the first step. Afterwards, I would stop at every church that I happened to pass and pray for her. Slowly, other things entered my prayers. I would pray for other friends, my family, and finally myself, too. I would say thanks for the good things that had happened to me. It felt liberating to talk to somebody without having to watch my words - the assumption is that God knows everything about me anyway, I just acknowledge things. Finally, I would even speak to Him when not in a church. But still I enjoy entering His house and having - making - the peace and quiet for my dialogue with God. I wouldn't count myself a pious man nor a good Christian but I've started thinking whether that is something worth attaining, working towards.
The thing is, what I don't like, have never liked, about Christianity is not the idea of God but the church. I think Terry Pratchett once said that God was basically a good idea until He got religion. That essentially sums up my reservations. The Churches and their doctrines are man-made. Even now, since I'm in the process of finding my way to God many religious people I meet tell me to go and see a priest. But what is the point of that? The priest is human. I get annoyed listening to sermons and other people's accounts of God. Sermons, organisations like the Church have often proven that they are motivated by very mundane, earthly matters - money, politics, power. So, why should I let somebody else tell me what and how to believe. Is somebody that wears a priest's robe automatically holy. Too many priests around the world have done too many too unchristly things. Besides, as another extremely religious Christian friend told me, my faith is a relationship between me and God. I don't need an intermediary. And why should I sit in mass every Sunday? As a Buddhist friend told me: If you have Buddha (or in my case God) in your heart you don't need to go to the temple. If I want to go to church to feel nearer to God then I'd much rather go when it's quiet and I can talk to Him alone.
Then for some reason today I was thinking about another reason for my continuous scepticism. Science. I had a long talk with a Muslim friend. A very pious man, too. He said he believed that we - humans - are Allah's creation and so must serve him. How could he be so certain? His boat, he said, somebody built that boat. It can't have built itself. Everybody would accept that. But us humans, he continued, who made us? Evolution, I wanted to say. I didn't argue the point with him at the time. This is his faith - whatever I say will not change his conviction. But, I thought, we know where we come from. Biology tells us we're descended from apes in a process that lasted millions of years. Before that there were mammals, before them were reptiles and before those were fish. Astrophysics tells us about the origins of our planet and its solar system and even about the history of our galaxy and the universe itself. We can trace back the evolution of the universe to several theories about its very beginnings. God doesn't come into these. No Adam and Eve. Science can explain everything. We technically don't need religion. Then, today, I realised there is still one question that science cannot answer: What was before the universe? The theory of the Big Bang tells us that the universe began in a burst of energy originating from a single point. The expansion of the universe even today supports this theory. But where did the energy come from? That we cannot answer. But come to think of it, this is exactly the way the Genesis begins. In the beginning there was only God and darkness. God separated darkness from light and called the dark night and the light day and so on. What if the burst of energy at the moment of creation was God's intervention? The energy is Him.
Imagine the evolution of life, the universe and everything as me setting up domino pieces in a long row - the way I used to as a child. As they fall imagine the domino pieces as sentient beings. They can only see themselves and the previous and next pieces. Where do we come from, they ask. Why do we fall over? Pious ones answer, it's a god that sets you up and topples you over. Then some do research. They find the long chain of pieces that have fallen over before them and they say, look, it's a chain. It's not a god that makes you fall over but kinetic energy. Look at the long chain of pieces before you. It has been happened like this for ages and it will always be like that. Nothing mystical about that. And in the beginning there was a tremendous burst of kinetic energy that threw over the first primordial piece. Where did that energy come from then, some clever ones ask. The answer is in the law of preservation of energy. Energy cannot be lost or used or created, only converted like , e.g.heat into motion. So, it was always there. But what, I now realised, if that energy was God? What the little imaginary domino pieces don't see is that I set up the chain and toppled the first piece, then everything else just happened according to my setup. Why couldn't the universe also be like that?
Human research has shown that we are not all an inbred race descended from two individuals. We've observed the origins of stars, planets, even galaxies. We've found traces of a huge burst of energy at the very beginning of the universe. But since God is omnipotent this could all be His design. Why should make things as simple as people two thousand years ago believed. That's as old as the origins of the Bible are. The Bible just sees things from their limited view point. It was later changed, updated, by humans. I don't believe in creation the way it is written in the Book. But science has not eliminated creationism. It has enriched it. With every new scientific discovery we can understand how incredibly complex the system of rules is that God built into his creation. Why should God not be like me setting up my domino pieces? Why would an omnipotent but also omniscient (read: intelligent) God bother with making the apple fall every time nothing holds it up. Why not just build in a rule that says: If nothing is holding you up you fall. That is the clever solution. The evolution of life, the universe and everything is all the plan that God laid out in preparation. Then He just needed one nudge and everything just happened. The Big Bang would then be the only evidence of divine intervention in our creation. But isn't it an epic one? Everything that happened afterwards is God's prepared plan, the laws of physics, chemistry, biology etc. that our scientists discover are algorithms that He built in so that things would happen the way He wants them to. They are, if you want, direct evidence of His will.
Should we then abandon science and resort to faith like some pious people demand? I say, NO! (with an exclamation mark!) Science allows us to understand God's creation better. It allows us to make better use of the clevernesses He has built in and so further our goals, improve our lives. Finally, every discovery allows us to marvel anew at the intricacy, the cleverness of His work. I refuse to believe that God would want us to stumble blindfolded through his creation after he spent so much effort on it. We can see other planets, stars, galaxies. We see how they work. Why stick to the belief the earth is flat just because an old book says so. But even if we discover how to warp space and travel to distant worlds, even if we encounter other intelligent life, all that does not preclude the involvement of God. He laid it all out in advance and then just gave it a push. That is the greatness of His creation and that is what makes it so amazing.
I've met many religious people - Christians, Muslims, Buddhists. So, I've been thinking about religion. I've never been very religious. Still, at some point, in rainy, lonely Qingdao I went to a German-built Protestant church and prayed. I prayed for my friend, a girl that meant and means a lot to me, who believes in God herself. That was my first thought, I wanted to go and pray to the god she believed in and ask him to help her. It turned out quite different. This was only the first step. Afterwards, I would stop at every church that I happened to pass and pray for her. Slowly, other things entered my prayers. I would pray for other friends, my family, and finally myself, too. I would say thanks for the good things that had happened to me. It felt liberating to talk to somebody without having to watch my words - the assumption is that God knows everything about me anyway, I just acknowledge things. Finally, I would even speak to Him when not in a church. But still I enjoy entering His house and having - making - the peace and quiet for my dialogue with God. I wouldn't count myself a pious man nor a good Christian but I've started thinking whether that is something worth attaining, working towards.
The thing is, what I don't like, have never liked, about Christianity is not the idea of God but the church. I think Terry Pratchett once said that God was basically a good idea until He got religion. That essentially sums up my reservations. The Churches and their doctrines are man-made. Even now, since I'm in the process of finding my way to God many religious people I meet tell me to go and see a priest. But what is the point of that? The priest is human. I get annoyed listening to sermons and other people's accounts of God. Sermons, organisations like the Church have often proven that they are motivated by very mundane, earthly matters - money, politics, power. So, why should I let somebody else tell me what and how to believe. Is somebody that wears a priest's robe automatically holy. Too many priests around the world have done too many too unchristly things. Besides, as another extremely religious Christian friend told me, my faith is a relationship between me and God. I don't need an intermediary. And why should I sit in mass every Sunday? As a Buddhist friend told me: If you have Buddha (or in my case God) in your heart you don't need to go to the temple. If I want to go to church to feel nearer to God then I'd much rather go when it's quiet and I can talk to Him alone.
Then for some reason today I was thinking about another reason for my continuous scepticism. Science. I had a long talk with a Muslim friend. A very pious man, too. He said he believed that we - humans - are Allah's creation and so must serve him. How could he be so certain? His boat, he said, somebody built that boat. It can't have built itself. Everybody would accept that. But us humans, he continued, who made us? Evolution, I wanted to say. I didn't argue the point with him at the time. This is his faith - whatever I say will not change his conviction. But, I thought, we know where we come from. Biology tells us we're descended from apes in a process that lasted millions of years. Before that there were mammals, before them were reptiles and before those were fish. Astrophysics tells us about the origins of our planet and its solar system and even about the history of our galaxy and the universe itself. We can trace back the evolution of the universe to several theories about its very beginnings. God doesn't come into these. No Adam and Eve. Science can explain everything. We technically don't need religion. Then, today, I realised there is still one question that science cannot answer: What was before the universe? The theory of the Big Bang tells us that the universe began in a burst of energy originating from a single point. The expansion of the universe even today supports this theory. But where did the energy come from? That we cannot answer. But come to think of it, this is exactly the way the Genesis begins. In the beginning there was only God and darkness. God separated darkness from light and called the dark night and the light day and so on. What if the burst of energy at the moment of creation was God's intervention? The energy is Him.
Imagine the evolution of life, the universe and everything as me setting up domino pieces in a long row - the way I used to as a child. As they fall imagine the domino pieces as sentient beings. They can only see themselves and the previous and next pieces. Where do we come from, they ask. Why do we fall over? Pious ones answer, it's a god that sets you up and topples you over. Then some do research. They find the long chain of pieces that have fallen over before them and they say, look, it's a chain. It's not a god that makes you fall over but kinetic energy. Look at the long chain of pieces before you. It has been happened like this for ages and it will always be like that. Nothing mystical about that. And in the beginning there was a tremendous burst of kinetic energy that threw over the first primordial piece. Where did that energy come from then, some clever ones ask. The answer is in the law of preservation of energy. Energy cannot be lost or used or created, only converted like , e.g.heat into motion. So, it was always there. But what, I now realised, if that energy was God? What the little imaginary domino pieces don't see is that I set up the chain and toppled the first piece, then everything else just happened according to my setup. Why couldn't the universe also be like that?
Human research has shown that we are not all an inbred race descended from two individuals. We've observed the origins of stars, planets, even galaxies. We've found traces of a huge burst of energy at the very beginning of the universe. But since God is omnipotent this could all be His design. Why should make things as simple as people two thousand years ago believed. That's as old as the origins of the Bible are. The Bible just sees things from their limited view point. It was later changed, updated, by humans. I don't believe in creation the way it is written in the Book. But science has not eliminated creationism. It has enriched it. With every new scientific discovery we can understand how incredibly complex the system of rules is that God built into his creation. Why should God not be like me setting up my domino pieces? Why would an omnipotent but also omniscient (read: intelligent) God bother with making the apple fall every time nothing holds it up. Why not just build in a rule that says: If nothing is holding you up you fall. That is the clever solution. The evolution of life, the universe and everything is all the plan that God laid out in preparation. Then He just needed one nudge and everything just happened. The Big Bang would then be the only evidence of divine intervention in our creation. But isn't it an epic one? Everything that happened afterwards is God's prepared plan, the laws of physics, chemistry, biology etc. that our scientists discover are algorithms that He built in so that things would happen the way He wants them to. They are, if you want, direct evidence of His will.
Should we then abandon science and resort to faith like some pious people demand? I say, NO! (with an exclamation mark!) Science allows us to understand God's creation better. It allows us to make better use of the clevernesses He has built in and so further our goals, improve our lives. Finally, every discovery allows us to marvel anew at the intricacy, the cleverness of His work. I refuse to believe that God would want us to stumble blindfolded through his creation after he spent so much effort on it. We can see other planets, stars, galaxies. We see how they work. Why stick to the belief the earth is flat just because an old book says so. But even if we discover how to warp space and travel to distant worlds, even if we encounter other intelligent life, all that does not preclude the involvement of God. He laid it all out in advance and then just gave it a push. That is the greatness of His creation and that is what makes it so amazing.
Monday, April 07, 2008
The Nature of Love
Love is a monster that lives in your chest. While chained it lies quiet, dormant, but once unleashed it demands to be fed.
Well fed it purs like a cat, gives you strength and courage, warms you like the sun and makes every day seem more beautiful than the last. But if abandoned or left hungry it rages with fangs of steel and claws of ice and slowly eats at your heart from the inside until it finally starves, lonely in the dark and only a shadow of its former self.
My love is that monster called Passion. I want to kiss her again and again and again, make up for the time that we lost. I can't get enough of her even though I'm scared of smothering her. Every little tenderness she imparts on me makes my heart want to burst with happiness and I can't stop smiling. But the monster howls, knowing what is to come, knowing that the soothing radiance of her presence cannot last for long. And the thought of leaving her, the thought that this has to soon come to an end is like a burning knife in my chest. I can't breathe, I can't eat; I want to scream but I have no voice, I want to cry but I have no tears. I don't know what to do.
Well fed it purs like a cat, gives you strength and courage, warms you like the sun and makes every day seem more beautiful than the last. But if abandoned or left hungry it rages with fangs of steel and claws of ice and slowly eats at your heart from the inside until it finally starves, lonely in the dark and only a shadow of its former self.
My love is that monster called Passion. I want to kiss her again and again and again, make up for the time that we lost. I can't get enough of her even though I'm scared of smothering her. Every little tenderness she imparts on me makes my heart want to burst with happiness and I can't stop smiling. But the monster howls, knowing what is to come, knowing that the soothing radiance of her presence cannot last for long. And the thought of leaving her, the thought that this has to soon come to an end is like a burning knife in my chest. I can't breathe, I can't eat; I want to scream but I have no voice, I want to cry but I have no tears. I don't know what to do.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Travel Log
As I said before I'll keep you posted about my travel plans. Today, I'm keeping my promise.
I finally got around to starting the journal that, I hope, will accompany me around the world.
General thoughts will now go down here while anything to do with my trip will be recorded there. I hope you'll enjoy it.
I finally got around to starting the journal that, I hope, will accompany me around the world.
General thoughts will now go down here while anything to do with my trip will be recorded there. I hope you'll enjoy it.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Tobe E - Unfinished Business
Been around a lot lately. On the prowl. Hanging around shady city streets by day and by night. Only come to my office to catch a few hours of shut-eye and to shave. Even gave my secretary the week off. She accepted it gladly. At least, now she can paint her nails in the peace and quiet of her own home. Funny, the office feels empty without her.
Almost as empty as the city streets at this time of day. And in this weather. It's about as nasty as the average Margarita you get this side of town. It's cold and damp, a chilly breeze blows up from the river and scatters the fine rain drops like cheap perfume. The chill creeps up on you like a bad premonition. I pull my coat around me tighter. It should be warm and sunny this time of year!
I make my way through deserted streets. I should be out here on a job, making money. Should. But no, this is personal.
Keep it professional, Larry admonishes in my head. Probably for the thousandth time. For a real pro there's no such thing as personal business. It's a waste of your skills, your energy and your time. Larry had always been a man of simple principles. This was his personal Zen. That's why he had been so good.
Maybe I should start to listen to his wisdom. Like this I'd just catch a cold. Or worse. Why was I doing this anyway?
I remind myself. I'm staking out a man. Not just any man. This one's got a history. We go way back. Me, him, two others. A gang of four. Used to do quite some business together. That was before I changed to the good guys. We used to call him the Russian. Because he was half Russian. Also had a lot of connections that way. Importing, he called it. The kind of import that doesn't go through customs but crosses the border tucked behind the back seat or beneath the car. Did good business, the Russian. Probably ended up owing lots of people. Some of them sure were the kind of people you don't want to owe even a penny.
Then one day he announced he had to disappear for a while. Lay low. So it had come to that. When I went to check up on him he had already gotten involved with some new boys. Extremely shady characters, the lot of them. He was clearly afraid. Didn't even trust us anymore. Anyone can be bought, I remember him saying. His new business partners had the power and connections to protect him. He was sure of that. From their looks I didn't have much faith in them. They weren't the types to work for people, only for wallets. But there was no talking him out of it.
Then he disappeared. Moved house, changed phones, changed habits. Professional like a KGB agent. We managed to locate him once more but soon enough he moved again. Didn't seem to want to stay in one place for too long. Word was that he was constantly on the move. Then people even stopped talking about him.
Years went by, things changed. Our gang of four doesn't exist anymore. But now that I'm back in town his spirit haunts me again. I wonder what he got himself into that he had to disappear so quickly. It turns out that a lot of people who used to know him also went missing. But that's not good enough for me. I want answers. That's my job. So I ask around. But no luck. As soon as I mention his name people close up like clams.
Then one evening, in one of his old hang-outs, I run into one of his former business partners, a small-time con man. Of course, he doesn't remember me. Quarter of an hour and a bloody nose later his memory has returned. He spits out an address where the Russian used to do his business from a year or two ago and swears by his mother's virginity that he doesn't know more. I let him go. Small crook like this can't do much harm.
When I finally find the address he's given me there's someone else living there already. They've been in there two odd years. Didn't know the previous tenant. The flat completely cleaned out before they moved in. This is where the trace ends. I've spent the last few days staking out the place. Maybe he's still around. Changed names or uses the place as a front for his business. I ask around but there's no lead. Nothing. Place is as clean as a nun's underwear. Maybe the little bastard lied to me. The thought has shot through my head a couple of times already.
Of course, there's still one more possibility. The one I've been avoiding so far. Maybe whatever the Russian was running from caught up with him in the end. I turn the thought around a few times inspecting it like a dead fish. That would explain things. Maybe I should ask the coroner? No, I know better than that. Those types wouldn't be the kind to leave evidence behind. Not a nice way to go.
Now, standing in the drizzle under a tree, I've got to face it: there's nothing here. I've followed up all my leads. I've been waiting around for almost a week and no sign of him. He's either dead or moved on. One way or the other I'm too late. Nothing more to be done. How I hate giving up!
I shoot one last glance at the house entrance through the wet haze. Then flipping up the collar of my coat I turn to leave. I turn my back on history. Somewhere in the distance a police siren wails. There's work to do.
Almost as empty as the city streets at this time of day. And in this weather. It's about as nasty as the average Margarita you get this side of town. It's cold and damp, a chilly breeze blows up from the river and scatters the fine rain drops like cheap perfume. The chill creeps up on you like a bad premonition. I pull my coat around me tighter. It should be warm and sunny this time of year!
I make my way through deserted streets. I should be out here on a job, making money. Should. But no, this is personal.
Keep it professional, Larry admonishes in my head. Probably for the thousandth time. For a real pro there's no such thing as personal business. It's a waste of your skills, your energy and your time. Larry had always been a man of simple principles. This was his personal Zen. That's why he had been so good.
Maybe I should start to listen to his wisdom. Like this I'd just catch a cold. Or worse. Why was I doing this anyway?
I remind myself. I'm staking out a man. Not just any man. This one's got a history. We go way back. Me, him, two others. A gang of four. Used to do quite some business together. That was before I changed to the good guys. We used to call him the Russian. Because he was half Russian. Also had a lot of connections that way. Importing, he called it. The kind of import that doesn't go through customs but crosses the border tucked behind the back seat or beneath the car. Did good business, the Russian. Probably ended up owing lots of people. Some of them sure were the kind of people you don't want to owe even a penny.
Then one day he announced he had to disappear for a while. Lay low. So it had come to that. When I went to check up on him he had already gotten involved with some new boys. Extremely shady characters, the lot of them. He was clearly afraid. Didn't even trust us anymore. Anyone can be bought, I remember him saying. His new business partners had the power and connections to protect him. He was sure of that. From their looks I didn't have much faith in them. They weren't the types to work for people, only for wallets. But there was no talking him out of it.
Then he disappeared. Moved house, changed phones, changed habits. Professional like a KGB agent. We managed to locate him once more but soon enough he moved again. Didn't seem to want to stay in one place for too long. Word was that he was constantly on the move. Then people even stopped talking about him.
Years went by, things changed. Our gang of four doesn't exist anymore. But now that I'm back in town his spirit haunts me again. I wonder what he got himself into that he had to disappear so quickly. It turns out that a lot of people who used to know him also went missing. But that's not good enough for me. I want answers. That's my job. So I ask around. But no luck. As soon as I mention his name people close up like clams.
Then one evening, in one of his old hang-outs, I run into one of his former business partners, a small-time con man. Of course, he doesn't remember me. Quarter of an hour and a bloody nose later his memory has returned. He spits out an address where the Russian used to do his business from a year or two ago and swears by his mother's virginity that he doesn't know more. I let him go. Small crook like this can't do much harm.
When I finally find the address he's given me there's someone else living there already. They've been in there two odd years. Didn't know the previous tenant. The flat completely cleaned out before they moved in. This is where the trace ends. I've spent the last few days staking out the place. Maybe he's still around. Changed names or uses the place as a front for his business. I ask around but there's no lead. Nothing. Place is as clean as a nun's underwear. Maybe the little bastard lied to me. The thought has shot through my head a couple of times already.
Of course, there's still one more possibility. The one I've been avoiding so far. Maybe whatever the Russian was running from caught up with him in the end. I turn the thought around a few times inspecting it like a dead fish. That would explain things. Maybe I should ask the coroner? No, I know better than that. Those types wouldn't be the kind to leave evidence behind. Not a nice way to go.
Now, standing in the drizzle under a tree, I've got to face it: there's nothing here. I've followed up all my leads. I've been waiting around for almost a week and no sign of him. He's either dead or moved on. One way or the other I'm too late. Nothing more to be done. How I hate giving up!
I shoot one last glance at the house entrance through the wet haze. Then flipping up the collar of my coat I turn to leave. I turn my back on history. Somewhere in the distance a police siren wails. There's work to do.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Change of Direction and New Start
Haven't posted for a long time. I've been busy. Busy with what, you ask.
Let me share it with you:
Well, busy with plans - Big Plans. A complete change of direction. And only two weeks to go until they are finally put into practice. And now I'm beginning to feel the weight, the impact of what I'm about to do.
I've already quit my job, that was the first step. I've left UK and I'm now back in my home country of Germany. But that's just the beginning. I've been wanting to leave Britain for a while now, anyway. No, I've decided to do something with the money I've earned other than settle down and have a family (something that, scarily, some folks my age have already done - good on them). I've decided to stop working again for a while and do what's gone into popular culture as a gap year. Or as I prefer to think of it: "gap time". Committing to a year one way or the other seems silly. The money might run out before or it might last a month longer.
But what to do with all that time? Here's how the dream evolved.
Obviously, like most people that do this kind of thing, I want to travel. I've been wanting to do that ever since, after finishing university, I wasn't sure what to do with my life. A common question, I hear. Then, my girlfriend said to me "why don't you do a gap year?". At the time I didn't know what exactly that was but she explained patiently and I listened. And almost immediately ideas started popping into my head of seeing far-away places, leading a free life of some adventure, not knowing where I might wind up next week. There was only one big disadvantage to the plan: it would cost money. A whole lot of money! A considerable amount of money. Well, you get the idea. And after being a student, kindly sponsored by my parents, the amount I could scrape together from savings was just about enough for the trip back home from campus and a pizza for dinner. Thus, the choice between a gap year and work was an easy one.
But the idea was sowed and it grew on me. Sometimes it wasn't easy being patient - like in the song by AC/DC: "it ain't no fun waiting round to be a millionaire". A couple of times I announced my plans to my friends but somehow I couldn't let go, didn't have enough money and just stayed. Several times I got frustrated with my work and was tempted to throw things away and just go and see how far I got. Still, somehow under all that ranting and pipe-dreaming the idea managed to keep me focused and determined enough to hang on. In the end, of course, people stopped believing me saying I'd never actually do it. Sometimes I myself thought I wouldn't, that I'd got too attached to my life in UK despite my strong dislike for the place.
And so several (how many? Three?) years went by but some time around my last birthday this January something audibly went "click". I realised I had said it would be this year like I had said it would be last autumn and last spring. I had never really made the move to do anything about it. Now was the time. Either leave now or admit I was stuck in UK. So, the decision was made. It was now.
Which brought me back to the original question: what to do with all that time?
After being to China and Malaysia I wanted to see more of East Asia. China and Southeast Asia are natural choices for backpackers because of rich culture and low prices. Of course, I dream of finishing off Asia with a visit to Japan or Korea. So, get a Round-the-world plane ticket? Well, after my trip to China last year I had told myself the next time I went there it would be by train. Not because I hate flying that much but rather because I love going by train, travelling old-school-like. I used to do it a lot as a child, loved watching the scenery go by. And on my trip to China I discovered that you can meet some interesting people on the train, as well. The Trans Siberian railway then. I had even met two Swedes who had done it and loved the experience. That was it then. And I wanted to see a good friend in Beijing for the May holiday.
So, it was that I almost rushed off in a great hurry in March. Fortunately, I came to my senses in time to realise that what I had planned there - to leave UK and be off to China within little more than a month - was impossible. Rushing though countries like Russia and Mongolia, just seeing them fly by the train windows would be very foolish, too. So, I delayed and rethought things again. I also wanted to improve my Chinese when I returned to China to be able to communicate in the country I wanted to spend most time in. I had also had the fantasy of actually *living* in Beijing for a while and seeing the local perspective of the place. How better to fulfil these requirements (and in a useful way) than to study there, to learn Chinese. Universities and language schools offer short-term courses, say one semester. Bingo! That was it.
Thus hatched the final draft, the design that is now about to be set into motion. It would be stupid to rush through a country as big and culturally rich as Russia so I will spend three weeks there. Make the most of your visa I say. This is followed by some two weeks in Mongolia. That country has lots of natural sights which are difficult (and expensive) to get to when you're alone. After that I start my studies in Beijing, which will take until end of January next year. After that things become a bit more fuzzy. I want to spend a few months travelling in China, north to south and east to west. Then cross the border to Vietnam, going on to Cambodia, Thailand and Malaysia spending about two to four weeks in each country. Finishing line is in Singapore where I'd then like to look for a job. My favourite part is that I will do this trip without setting foot on a plane, travelling half-way around the world the old style, by train and by coach. I'm also doing a slightly different kind of gap year to many people who only *start* in China. The way is the goal.
This goal is to see and absorb as much as I can of people, countries, details and at the same time find a clearer idea of what I want, find myself in all of it. Sounds like a cliche? Probably is. Better not read too much into it yet. For now I'm just beginning to look forward to one hell of a ride.
I'll keep you posted.
Let me share it with you:
Well, busy with plans - Big Plans. A complete change of direction. And only two weeks to go until they are finally put into practice. And now I'm beginning to feel the weight, the impact of what I'm about to do.
I've already quit my job, that was the first step. I've left UK and I'm now back in my home country of Germany. But that's just the beginning. I've been wanting to leave Britain for a while now, anyway. No, I've decided to do something with the money I've earned other than settle down and have a family (something that, scarily, some folks my age have already done - good on them). I've decided to stop working again for a while and do what's gone into popular culture as a gap year. Or as I prefer to think of it: "gap time". Committing to a year one way or the other seems silly. The money might run out before or it might last a month longer.
But what to do with all that time? Here's how the dream evolved.
Obviously, like most people that do this kind of thing, I want to travel. I've been wanting to do that ever since, after finishing university, I wasn't sure what to do with my life. A common question, I hear. Then, my girlfriend said to me "why don't you do a gap year?". At the time I didn't know what exactly that was but she explained patiently and I listened. And almost immediately ideas started popping into my head of seeing far-away places, leading a free life of some adventure, not knowing where I might wind up next week. There was only one big disadvantage to the plan: it would cost money. A whole lot of money! A considerable amount of money. Well, you get the idea. And after being a student, kindly sponsored by my parents, the amount I could scrape together from savings was just about enough for the trip back home from campus and a pizza for dinner. Thus, the choice between a gap year and work was an easy one.
But the idea was sowed and it grew on me. Sometimes it wasn't easy being patient - like in the song by AC/DC: "it ain't no fun waiting round to be a millionaire". A couple of times I announced my plans to my friends but somehow I couldn't let go, didn't have enough money and just stayed. Several times I got frustrated with my work and was tempted to throw things away and just go and see how far I got. Still, somehow under all that ranting and pipe-dreaming the idea managed to keep me focused and determined enough to hang on. In the end, of course, people stopped believing me saying I'd never actually do it. Sometimes I myself thought I wouldn't, that I'd got too attached to my life in UK despite my strong dislike for the place.
And so several (how many? Three?) years went by but some time around my last birthday this January something audibly went "click". I realised I had said it would be this year like I had said it would be last autumn and last spring. I had never really made the move to do anything about it. Now was the time. Either leave now or admit I was stuck in UK. So, the decision was made. It was now.
Which brought me back to the original question: what to do with all that time?
After being to China and Malaysia I wanted to see more of East Asia. China and Southeast Asia are natural choices for backpackers because of rich culture and low prices. Of course, I dream of finishing off Asia with a visit to Japan or Korea. So, get a Round-the-world plane ticket? Well, after my trip to China last year I had told myself the next time I went there it would be by train. Not because I hate flying that much but rather because I love going by train, travelling old-school-like. I used to do it a lot as a child, loved watching the scenery go by. And on my trip to China I discovered that you can meet some interesting people on the train, as well. The Trans Siberian railway then. I had even met two Swedes who had done it and loved the experience. That was it then. And I wanted to see a good friend in Beijing for the May holiday.
So, it was that I almost rushed off in a great hurry in March. Fortunately, I came to my senses in time to realise that what I had planned there - to leave UK and be off to China within little more than a month - was impossible. Rushing though countries like Russia and Mongolia, just seeing them fly by the train windows would be very foolish, too. So, I delayed and rethought things again. I also wanted to improve my Chinese when I returned to China to be able to communicate in the country I wanted to spend most time in. I had also had the fantasy of actually *living* in Beijing for a while and seeing the local perspective of the place. How better to fulfil these requirements (and in a useful way) than to study there, to learn Chinese. Universities and language schools offer short-term courses, say one semester. Bingo! That was it.
Thus hatched the final draft, the design that is now about to be set into motion. It would be stupid to rush through a country as big and culturally rich as Russia so I will spend three weeks there. Make the most of your visa I say. This is followed by some two weeks in Mongolia. That country has lots of natural sights which are difficult (and expensive) to get to when you're alone. After that I start my studies in Beijing, which will take until end of January next year. After that things become a bit more fuzzy. I want to spend a few months travelling in China, north to south and east to west. Then cross the border to Vietnam, going on to Cambodia, Thailand and Malaysia spending about two to four weeks in each country. Finishing line is in Singapore where I'd then like to look for a job. My favourite part is that I will do this trip without setting foot on a plane, travelling half-way around the world the old style, by train and by coach. I'm also doing a slightly different kind of gap year to many people who only *start* in China. The way is the goal.
This goal is to see and absorb as much as I can of people, countries, details and at the same time find a clearer idea of what I want, find myself in all of it. Sounds like a cliche? Probably is. Better not read too much into it yet. For now I'm just beginning to look forward to one hell of a ride.
I'll keep you posted.
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