Writing this might actually get me in trouble, I may still end up working there but that seems increasingly unlikely. And that's something I'd like to write about.
You may recognise the corporate slogan. It's the new motto of Logica, formerly known as LogicaCMG. I wanted to work for them. Here's the story of how I probably won't.
I first saw them on a recruiting fair in Cologne. My impression had been a good one since their employees seemed professional yet approachable and friendly (something that's not always common with big consultancy companies). So, I applied.
I had my first interview on January 9th with a team leader called Nils Kempin from their brach in Düsseldorf and another manager. I didn't really like Kempin. He made some comments about me that even seemed to make his colleague wince - "You have programmed before, yes?" My CV states one and a half years of experience progamming in C++. Final year projects implemented in Java. I kept my cool as they scrutinised my skills. In the end, they invited me for a second interview. I was given three weeks to prepare a presentation of a few technology areas they commonly use.
The second interview on February 4th was again with Mr. Kempin and another (different) team leader. After the presentation they announced that they would be interested in a collaboration. I tried to negotiate the salary but was rebuffed. With a slightly haughty air Kempin told me he was not prepared to negotiate. He reminded me that my bargaining position was weak. I was given until the following Monday to think about their offer. Still, despite my reservations it seemed like a good place to work and a good start for my new career. I might not like my new boss but I hadn't really seen much of him yet and even friends told me to give it a chance. So, come Monday I accepted. Kempin told me he would start the process of getting me a contract. He even gave me some homework, things to read up on while I was waiting in preparation for my start. The start date we agreed on was March 1st. He also sent me their internal skill profile to fill in.
Then about a week later on February 17th I received a stardard email from Logica's HR department telling me in the usual wording: "... we are sorry to inform you that your profile does not match our requirements at this time blah, blah, blah ...". A rejection? I was confused. The next day I called Kempin and confronted him with the news. There was nothing to worry about, he assured me, the email had been sent by mistake. He should have used their internal HR software to process my application but he hadn't. Therefore after a period of inactivity the software had automatically sent out this email. I should receive my contract soon. So I waited. No further news came. Neither did a contract.
It was about February 26th that I began to get worried. I sent him an email asking what was going on with my application. No reply. On 27th I called his phone. He didn't pick up; once I even believe he rejected my call. So, the 1st came and went. On 2nd I called the other manager from the second interview, who seemed genuinely shocked by what was going on. He promised he would look into it and get Kempin to call me. A day later Kempin called being very apologetic but offering nothing new. I tried to make him send me a written confirmation, at least, of their offer but he refused making me understand he only wanted to commit once everything had been signed off. He told me in manager-speak to "keep my nerve" and sit tight, wait. When would my start date be, then? Beginning of April, maybe later. So, no comment on that either. Now April has arrived and I haven't heard anything from them for a month.
I find it hard to stomach such a degree of unprofessionalism!
The best thing is this: I mentioned my story to several recruitement agencies I had contact with over the last months. The moment I told them the company is Logica they would go: "Aaahh." "No wonder." Several such recruiters told me even candidates they had represented had been treated like this. Logica's recruitment process was "unusual", a recruiter admitted discreetly.
I can't understand how a big, international company like Logica can get away with this. Word should spread (this is what I'm trying here). Are they such an attractive employer that people want to work for them despite the shit they're being put through? I've certainly had it.
It may be a useless gesture but I've prepared a letter to their management complaining about their treatment and also naming the people I saw. I don't expect it will achieve anything for me but why should they get away with it? I put up with their arrogance, I jumped through their hoops, I made a genuine effort - just to be ignored as if nothing had happened, dropped like a hot potato. Be it ignorance, be it incompetence or be it attitude - none of them are excusable. So, if there's only the slightest chance I can leave a footprint on somebody's arse I will go for it.
Let this posting be a warning to anybody applying to work with Logica. I've been severely disappointed, I'm not alone and the same may happen again.
To you.
Consider it.
There are many more employers to choose from.
Welcome to this outlet for one of many facets of myself. This may include anything from views on current events, general ramblings and rant to short stories by yours truly.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
A Question of Faith
After my previous post about taxes this is a more specialised concern. More of a question really. Something that has been on my mind.
I've described the tax situation. I've mentioned the "church tax". In Germany, the Church (both Protestant and Catholic) may levy taxes at the rate of 9% of your income tax. That then gets added on top of everything else. Individually it may not be much but things add up. The revenue from this tax makes about 70% of the Church funds.
Now, there is a way to eliminate it, as I've hinted at: you can leave the church and officially become what is called "undenominational", meaning before the law and the Church you have no religion. With that you also loose the right to claim the services of a priest.
To save some tax I've chosen that route. I've already taken the first step by going to the magistrate's court and declaring I wish to leave the Church. Formalities will now go their usual course. That's roughly when the questions started plaguing me. I've written before that I've started to believe in God. I want to. I believe that even this little faith has done some good things for me. A prayer just before my job interviews, for example, seemed to make them go more smoothly - and more successfully. I've always tried to remember to say thanks but now by leaving the Church I feel a bit like a St. Peter. I feel uncomfortable, remorseful. Am I not betraying Him just as He has begun showing me His kindness? It seemed like a small thing before. Then when the officer said I would become "undenominational" it felt as if she had said "faithless". Isn't this denial? In refusing to pay this tax to support the Church am I denying God? Or asked the other way round: If I recognise God am I also required to provide for His declared servants on earth? I comfort myself with the idea that if I require a priest I will make a donation directly to that person. But that's only part of the solution. All sorts of official documents will now have this word on them. This word that says to the world that I believe nothing. Of course, what's really important is what's in my heart (probably a lot of people list a denomination but don't believe at all). I don't need to go to church to have God in my heart. Still, will He think I'm petty or greedy that I value those 9% so highly? Or will He forgive me because on His earth everyone has to make a living as best they can? Jesus did forgive Peter his denials. Then again, Peter was his disciple and had shown his faith many times before. A year ago I would never have thought that this would end up being a question of faith. And I don't believe there is an easy answer to it either.
I've described the tax situation. I've mentioned the "church tax". In Germany, the Church (both Protestant and Catholic) may levy taxes at the rate of 9% of your income tax. That then gets added on top of everything else. Individually it may not be much but things add up. The revenue from this tax makes about 70% of the Church funds.
Now, there is a way to eliminate it, as I've hinted at: you can leave the church and officially become what is called "undenominational", meaning before the law and the Church you have no religion. With that you also loose the right to claim the services of a priest.
To save some tax I've chosen that route. I've already taken the first step by going to the magistrate's court and declaring I wish to leave the Church. Formalities will now go their usual course. That's roughly when the questions started plaguing me. I've written before that I've started to believe in God. I want to. I believe that even this little faith has done some good things for me. A prayer just before my job interviews, for example, seemed to make them go more smoothly - and more successfully. I've always tried to remember to say thanks but now by leaving the Church I feel a bit like a St. Peter. I feel uncomfortable, remorseful. Am I not betraying Him just as He has begun showing me His kindness? It seemed like a small thing before. Then when the officer said I would become "undenominational" it felt as if she had said "faithless". Isn't this denial? In refusing to pay this tax to support the Church am I denying God? Or asked the other way round: If I recognise God am I also required to provide for His declared servants on earth? I comfort myself with the idea that if I require a priest I will make a donation directly to that person. But that's only part of the solution. All sorts of official documents will now have this word on them. This word that says to the world that I believe nothing. Of course, what's really important is what's in my heart (probably a lot of people list a denomination but don't believe at all). I don't need to go to church to have God in my heart. Still, will He think I'm petty or greedy that I value those 9% so highly? Or will He forgive me because on His earth everyone has to make a living as best they can? Jesus did forgive Peter his denials. Then again, Peter was his disciple and had shown his faith many times before. A year ago I would never have thought that this would end up being a question of faith. And I don't believe there is an easy answer to it either.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Daylight Robbery
The Discworld. Four wizards (well, three wizards and an ape) from the Unseen University (UU) want to travel from the city of Ankh-Morpork to the remote kingdom of Lancre. There's only one coach that goes there and the price turns out to be 50 Dollars. Per person. Archchancellor Ridcully of UU is outraged.
"Fifty dollars each is daylight robbery!"
"No", said the coachman patiently. He proceeds to explain to the wizards the concepts of daylight, nighttime and twilight robbery and how they are related to his business.
"Are you saying", said Ridcully, "that getting robbed is included in the price?"
"Bandits' Guild", said the coachman. "Forty dollars per head, see. It's a kind of flat rate."
"What happens if we don't pay it?" said Ridcully.
"You end up flat."
~ taken and abridged from Lords and Ladies (pp 70 - 71) by Terry Pratchett.
Why am I relating this little excerpt? Because I sympathise with the wizards. I'm beginning to realise how they must feel.
About a year ago I made the conscious decision that I was going to return home to Germany. I wouldn't stay in any of the amazing countries I had visited - neither China nor Singapore. I wanted to work and live in Germany. To do something for my country, to be home. Little did I expect I'd come to regret this decision so quickly.
I've found a job. A pretty good one. I'd be working as an IT consultant on state-of-the-art technology. That should be the right start for my career. Besides, with the British Pound down, America in deep financial trouble but the Euro still fairly stable I should be in the right place, right? Well. I'm still shocked to find out what goes on here.
With my current marital status (single), in my current age bracket, considering that I'm only starting my career in Germany and based on an annual salary of €40,000 my net income would be €23,400-something. I'll let that number sink in for a moment. 23.5 out of 40. Now this shows that my income tax plus compulsory national insurance premiums (health care, pension, unemployment) take away almost 50% of my pre-tax income. Almost 50%! I can't make this bold or italic enough. I was so shocked. And that does not even include the "church tax". Yes, Germany is the only country (together with Austria and Switzerland) that I'm aware of where the church may levy taxes. And it's no small slice: 9% of your basic tax rate again goes to the church. The only way of eliminating that is the leave the Church and become "confessionless". Makes you wonder why anybody is still a member. Another quote from an old comedy show comes to my mind: "Every month you give them [the government] what you earn and they'll give back the part of it they don't want." Sounds funny but I'm beginning to think we should do it that way. It would cut out a lot of hassle and heart-ache. You wouldn't actually know what you earn, only what they leave you.
It's painful now, to look back at my time in UK. In 2007 an average month's salary was just under £2,400; payable tax plus national insurance totalling just above £600. That makes roughly a quarter, some 25%. It is with infinite disappointment that I'm coming to realise that in Germany I will have to work harder (being a consultant instead of a software developer) and I will effectively get less for my efforts. Is this how my country rewards me for coming home, for wanting to work here? With taxes like that how come anybody is actually remotely surprised that wealthy people have their bank accounts in Switzerland? Funny, I think a lot of our lawmakers also do. With such taxes on one side and a social net with unemployment and social benefits on the other, is it surprising that so many people lean back and basically refuse to make the effort to find work? It doesn't really seem that industrious people are rewarded here. Of course, the social-democratic government sees itself as a kind of Robin Hood - "we take from the rich and give to the poor." The thing is that such a system, as true socialist societies have shown, doesn't promote effort but at most a kind of mediocrity.
I can't help wondering over and over: I came back for this? To work my ass off for the government, so that they can redistribute wealth as they see fit and opportune? To allow them to subsidise the unemployed and various forms of more or less profitable agriculture and industry, to iron out other people's mistakes and failed business ventures (Commerzbank, Opel) - all to secure future voters? For that I am still paying almost €500 of "solidarity surcharge" more than ten years after the reunification of the country?
I am German. And I certainly feel German (and not European as some contemporaries have said). But this cannot go on. This blatant daylight robbery must come to an end. I will not sit still for it for long. I will work here as long as it takes to build up an attractive skill set. If there is no change until then I will look for a new home.
"Fifty dollars each is daylight robbery!"
"No", said the coachman patiently. He proceeds to explain to the wizards the concepts of daylight, nighttime and twilight robbery and how they are related to his business.
"Are you saying", said Ridcully, "that getting robbed is included in the price?"
"Bandits' Guild", said the coachman. "Forty dollars per head, see. It's a kind of flat rate."
"What happens if we don't pay it?" said Ridcully.
"You end up flat."
~ taken and abridged from Lords and Ladies (pp 70 - 71) by Terry Pratchett.
Why am I relating this little excerpt? Because I sympathise with the wizards. I'm beginning to realise how they must feel.
About a year ago I made the conscious decision that I was going to return home to Germany. I wouldn't stay in any of the amazing countries I had visited - neither China nor Singapore. I wanted to work and live in Germany. To do something for my country, to be home. Little did I expect I'd come to regret this decision so quickly.
I've found a job. A pretty good one. I'd be working as an IT consultant on state-of-the-art technology. That should be the right start for my career. Besides, with the British Pound down, America in deep financial trouble but the Euro still fairly stable I should be in the right place, right? Well. I'm still shocked to find out what goes on here.
With my current marital status (single), in my current age bracket, considering that I'm only starting my career in Germany and based on an annual salary of €40,000 my net income would be €23,400-something. I'll let that number sink in for a moment. 23.5 out of 40. Now this shows that my income tax plus compulsory national insurance premiums (health care, pension, unemployment) take away almost 50% of my pre-tax income. Almost 50%! I can't make this bold or italic enough. I was so shocked. And that does not even include the "church tax". Yes, Germany is the only country (together with Austria and Switzerland) that I'm aware of where the church may levy taxes. And it's no small slice: 9% of your basic tax rate again goes to the church. The only way of eliminating that is the leave the Church and become "confessionless". Makes you wonder why anybody is still a member. Another quote from an old comedy show comes to my mind: "Every month you give them [the government] what you earn and they'll give back the part of it they don't want." Sounds funny but I'm beginning to think we should do it that way. It would cut out a lot of hassle and heart-ache. You wouldn't actually know what you earn, only what they leave you.
It's painful now, to look back at my time in UK. In 2007 an average month's salary was just under £2,400; payable tax plus national insurance totalling just above £600. That makes roughly a quarter, some 25%. It is with infinite disappointment that I'm coming to realise that in Germany I will have to work harder (being a consultant instead of a software developer) and I will effectively get less for my efforts. Is this how my country rewards me for coming home, for wanting to work here? With taxes like that how come anybody is actually remotely surprised that wealthy people have their bank accounts in Switzerland? Funny, I think a lot of our lawmakers also do. With such taxes on one side and a social net with unemployment and social benefits on the other, is it surprising that so many people lean back and basically refuse to make the effort to find work? It doesn't really seem that industrious people are rewarded here. Of course, the social-democratic government sees itself as a kind of Robin Hood - "we take from the rich and give to the poor." The thing is that such a system, as true socialist societies have shown, doesn't promote effort but at most a kind of mediocrity.
I can't help wondering over and over: I came back for this? To work my ass off for the government, so that they can redistribute wealth as they see fit and opportune? To allow them to subsidise the unemployed and various forms of more or less profitable agriculture and industry, to iron out other people's mistakes and failed business ventures (Commerzbank, Opel) - all to secure future voters? For that I am still paying almost €500 of "solidarity surcharge" more than ten years after the reunification of the country?
I am German. And I certainly feel German (and not European as some contemporaries have said). But this cannot go on. This blatant daylight robbery must come to an end. I will not sit still for it for long. I will work here as long as it takes to build up an attractive skill set. If there is no change until then I will look for a new home.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Why easy if we can make it complicated...?
I've been wanting to write this for a while now. I've only been back to Germany for two months and there are already a number of things that annoy me. One major cause is Die Bahn (former Deutsche Bahn, DB, German rail company). I'm interviewing at the moment, so I have to travel often and see quite a bit of that.
Germany is "the country of poets and thinkers", therefore rail tickets in Germany have colourful names - that have little to nothing to do with the tariff they're for. Try it: What do you think is the difference between a "Schöner Tag Ticket" ("Nice Day Ticket") and a "Schöne Reise Ticket" ("Nice Journey Ticket")? They sound a bit like the brain-child of an under-challenged, psychology graduate marketing intern. "We're telling people they will have a nice day if they buy this product, so they will like it." As it turns out, both tickets are valid for all of North Rhine Westphalia. The difference is that the former ticket includes all local public transport but is only valid from 9am to 3am (essentially excluding early rush hour). The latter ticket is valid for 24 hours but does not include public transport other than main line trains. Both tickets exclude fast or express trains. I only found that out after almost walking out of the ticket shop with the wrong ticket. As if the tariff conditions were not already complicated enough! This then make me wonder: What's wrong with calling the former, say, "NRW Inklusiv" and the latter, being wildly imaginative, "NRW 24h"? Or something of that sort. Anything. What's more, these tariffs are not even explained if you want to buy the tickets from a vending machine. I quietly suspect that there is a hidden strategy. Both tickets mentioned above are saver tariffs. Now, people can't possibly save money if they don't understand how to. Get it?
Speaking of vending machines. Speaking of complicated. I understand that the elder generation will on occasion have trouble handling modern technology. The ticket vending machines deployed by DB, however, are of a different breed. I've seen youngsters that surely grew up with computers, electronic gadgets and the Internet give up in despair. The funny thing is that major train stations featuring these machines soon also had a dedicated employee or two wearing a vest saying "Automaten Guide" ("Vending Machine Guide"), whose only task was to explain to you how to use the blasted thing. Obviously, the message had got through that the machines were not user friendly. Now, imagine you're a software vendor and your customers tell you: "Your product is not usable, the interface is confusing." The reasonable and sane answer would be: "Ok, we'll make it simpler." Not so. DB's reaction: "Be patient, we'll explain it to you." Probably you can't expect any other reaction from a company that used to be a branch of the Federal Government. Now imagine small stations where there's not even a Automaten Guide. There have even been reports of machines not working (not offline but faulty) and then people being fined for not having a valid ticket. Half the machines that I tried refused to accept my bank notes - fairly fresh, tidy ones even. And I thought they had gotten on top of that technology by now. And when you give up and go to the counter there will, of course, be a long queue of people who all had the same idea. What is so difficult about having a simple no-frills, no-fancy-graphics, Windows-wizard-style, question-driven menu system: "Where do you want to go? (type a search text)", "When do you want to go?", "Do you want a return?", if "yes" do same again for return leg, show a list of applicable tariffs, ask for payment?
I'm really not a fan of National Rail and rail operators in UK. I think the rail network, trains and sometimes the service were God-awful. But the tickets had simple, descriptive names like "Single", "Return" or "Day Ticket". The vending machines were sometimes out of order but the usage was simple and intuitive.
Now, I ask: How is it possible that in a technologically advanced country like Germany we can have better infrastructure, better trains but can't get something basic as ticketing right?!
Germany is "the country of poets and thinkers", therefore rail tickets in Germany have colourful names - that have little to nothing to do with the tariff they're for. Try it: What do you think is the difference between a "Schöner Tag Ticket" ("Nice Day Ticket") and a "Schöne Reise Ticket" ("Nice Journey Ticket")? They sound a bit like the brain-child of an under-challenged, psychology graduate marketing intern. "We're telling people they will have a nice day if they buy this product, so they will like it." As it turns out, both tickets are valid for all of North Rhine Westphalia. The difference is that the former ticket includes all local public transport but is only valid from 9am to 3am (essentially excluding early rush hour). The latter ticket is valid for 24 hours but does not include public transport other than main line trains. Both tickets exclude fast or express trains. I only found that out after almost walking out of the ticket shop with the wrong ticket. As if the tariff conditions were not already complicated enough! This then make me wonder: What's wrong with calling the former, say, "NRW Inklusiv" and the latter, being wildly imaginative, "NRW 24h"? Or something of that sort. Anything. What's more, these tariffs are not even explained if you want to buy the tickets from a vending machine. I quietly suspect that there is a hidden strategy. Both tickets mentioned above are saver tariffs. Now, people can't possibly save money if they don't understand how to. Get it?
Speaking of vending machines. Speaking of complicated. I understand that the elder generation will on occasion have trouble handling modern technology. The ticket vending machines deployed by DB, however, are of a different breed. I've seen youngsters that surely grew up with computers, electronic gadgets and the Internet give up in despair. The funny thing is that major train stations featuring these machines soon also had a dedicated employee or two wearing a vest saying "Automaten Guide" ("Vending Machine Guide"), whose only task was to explain to you how to use the blasted thing. Obviously, the message had got through that the machines were not user friendly. Now, imagine you're a software vendor and your customers tell you: "Your product is not usable, the interface is confusing." The reasonable and sane answer would be: "Ok, we'll make it simpler." Not so. DB's reaction: "Be patient, we'll explain it to you." Probably you can't expect any other reaction from a company that used to be a branch of the Federal Government. Now imagine small stations where there's not even a Automaten Guide. There have even been reports of machines not working (not offline but faulty) and then people being fined for not having a valid ticket. Half the machines that I tried refused to accept my bank notes - fairly fresh, tidy ones even. And I thought they had gotten on top of that technology by now. And when you give up and go to the counter there will, of course, be a long queue of people who all had the same idea. What is so difficult about having a simple no-frills, no-fancy-graphics, Windows-wizard-style, question-driven menu system: "Where do you want to go? (type a search text)", "When do you want to go?", "Do you want a return?", if "yes" do same again for return leg, show a list of applicable tariffs, ask for payment?
I'm really not a fan of National Rail and rail operators in UK. I think the rail network, trains and sometimes the service were God-awful. But the tickets had simple, descriptive names like "Single", "Return" or "Day Ticket". The vending machines were sometimes out of order but the usage was simple and intuitive.
Now, I ask: How is it possible that in a technologically advanced country like Germany we can have better infrastructure, better trains but can't get something basic as ticketing right?!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Liberté. Toujours.
"Freedom. Always." That's the advertising slogan the cigarette brand Gauloises use here in Germany. The picture shows a couple of young people relaxing on a roof terrace overlooking Paris smoking cigarettes. It reminds me a lot of an old Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. Watching commercials on TV Calvin observes sarcastically that the attractive role model in the ad asserts his individuality by conforming to the brand he's advertising for. So, you're free smoking Gauloises? I wonder how free you feel being addicted to the stuff, as I know friends of mine are. Or you can feel cool and attractive because the poster shows other cool and attractive people smoking Gauloises? Of course, we know it's just a poster, right? And how free are we if we need to do what a poster tells us to be happy? Then again the air around Gauloises smokers does smell a bit like the Parisian smog.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Epiphany
I've been thinking a lot recently. I've had the time.
I've met many religious people - Christians, Muslims, Buddhists. So, I've been thinking about religion. I've never been very religious. Still, at some point, in rainy, lonely Qingdao I went to a German-built Protestant church and prayed. I prayed for my friend, a girl that meant and means a lot to me, who believes in God herself. That was my first thought, I wanted to go and pray to the god she believed in and ask him to help her. It turned out quite different. This was only the first step. Afterwards, I would stop at every church that I happened to pass and pray for her. Slowly, other things entered my prayers. I would pray for other friends, my family, and finally myself, too. I would say thanks for the good things that had happened to me. It felt liberating to talk to somebody without having to watch my words - the assumption is that God knows everything about me anyway, I just acknowledge things. Finally, I would even speak to Him when not in a church. But still I enjoy entering His house and having - making - the peace and quiet for my dialogue with God. I wouldn't count myself a pious man nor a good Christian but I've started thinking whether that is something worth attaining, working towards.
The thing is, what I don't like, have never liked, about Christianity is not the idea of God but the church. I think Terry Pratchett once said that God was basically a good idea until He got religion. That essentially sums up my reservations. The Churches and their doctrines are man-made. Even now, since I'm in the process of finding my way to God many religious people I meet tell me to go and see a priest. But what is the point of that? The priest is human. I get annoyed listening to sermons and other people's accounts of God. Sermons, organisations like the Church have often proven that they are motivated by very mundane, earthly matters - money, politics, power. So, why should I let somebody else tell me what and how to believe. Is somebody that wears a priest's robe automatically holy. Too many priests around the world have done too many too unchristly things. Besides, as another extremely religious Christian friend told me, my faith is a relationship between me and God. I don't need an intermediary. And why should I sit in mass every Sunday? As a Buddhist friend told me: If you have Buddha (or in my case God) in your heart you don't need to go to the temple. If I want to go to church to feel nearer to God then I'd much rather go when it's quiet and I can talk to Him alone.
Then for some reason today I was thinking about another reason for my continuous scepticism. Science. I had a long talk with a Muslim friend. A very pious man, too. He said he believed that we - humans - are Allah's creation and so must serve him. How could he be so certain? His boat, he said, somebody built that boat. It can't have built itself. Everybody would accept that. But us humans, he continued, who made us? Evolution, I wanted to say. I didn't argue the point with him at the time. This is his faith - whatever I say will not change his conviction. But, I thought, we know where we come from. Biology tells us we're descended from apes in a process that lasted millions of years. Before that there were mammals, before them were reptiles and before those were fish. Astrophysics tells us about the origins of our planet and its solar system and even about the history of our galaxy and the universe itself. We can trace back the evolution of the universe to several theories about its very beginnings. God doesn't come into these. No Adam and Eve. Science can explain everything. We technically don't need religion. Then, today, I realised there is still one question that science cannot answer: What was before the universe? The theory of the Big Bang tells us that the universe began in a burst of energy originating from a single point. The expansion of the universe even today supports this theory. But where did the energy come from? That we cannot answer. But come to think of it, this is exactly the way the Genesis begins. In the beginning there was only God and darkness. God separated darkness from light and called the dark night and the light day and so on. What if the burst of energy at the moment of creation was God's intervention? The energy is Him.
Imagine the evolution of life, the universe and everything as me setting up domino pieces in a long row - the way I used to as a child. As they fall imagine the domino pieces as sentient beings. They can only see themselves and the previous and next pieces. Where do we come from, they ask. Why do we fall over? Pious ones answer, it's a god that sets you up and topples you over. Then some do research. They find the long chain of pieces that have fallen over before them and they say, look, it's a chain. It's not a god that makes you fall over but kinetic energy. Look at the long chain of pieces before you. It has been happened like this for ages and it will always be like that. Nothing mystical about that. And in the beginning there was a tremendous burst of kinetic energy that threw over the first primordial piece. Where did that energy come from then, some clever ones ask. The answer is in the law of preservation of energy. Energy cannot be lost or used or created, only converted like , e.g.heat into motion. So, it was always there. But what, I now realised, if that energy was God? What the little imaginary domino pieces don't see is that I set up the chain and toppled the first piece, then everything else just happened according to my setup. Why couldn't the universe also be like that?
Human research has shown that we are not all an inbred race descended from two individuals. We've observed the origins of stars, planets, even galaxies. We've found traces of a huge burst of energy at the very beginning of the universe. But since God is omnipotent this could all be His design. Why should make things as simple as people two thousand years ago believed. That's as old as the origins of the Bible are. The Bible just sees things from their limited view point. It was later changed, updated, by humans. I don't believe in creation the way it is written in the Book. But science has not eliminated creationism. It has enriched it. With every new scientific discovery we can understand how incredibly complex the system of rules is that God built into his creation. Why should God not be like me setting up my domino pieces? Why would an omnipotent but also omniscient (read: intelligent) God bother with making the apple fall every time nothing holds it up. Why not just build in a rule that says: If nothing is holding you up you fall. That is the clever solution. The evolution of life, the universe and everything is all the plan that God laid out in preparation. Then He just needed one nudge and everything just happened. The Big Bang would then be the only evidence of divine intervention in our creation. But isn't it an epic one? Everything that happened afterwards is God's prepared plan, the laws of physics, chemistry, biology etc. that our scientists discover are algorithms that He built in so that things would happen the way He wants them to. They are, if you want, direct evidence of His will.
Should we then abandon science and resort to faith like some pious people demand? I say, NO! (with an exclamation mark!) Science allows us to understand God's creation better. It allows us to make better use of the clevernesses He has built in and so further our goals, improve our lives. Finally, every discovery allows us to marvel anew at the intricacy, the cleverness of His work. I refuse to believe that God would want us to stumble blindfolded through his creation after he spent so much effort on it. We can see other planets, stars, galaxies. We see how they work. Why stick to the belief the earth is flat just because an old book says so. But even if we discover how to warp space and travel to distant worlds, even if we encounter other intelligent life, all that does not preclude the involvement of God. He laid it all out in advance and then just gave it a push. That is the greatness of His creation and that is what makes it so amazing.
I've met many religious people - Christians, Muslims, Buddhists. So, I've been thinking about religion. I've never been very religious. Still, at some point, in rainy, lonely Qingdao I went to a German-built Protestant church and prayed. I prayed for my friend, a girl that meant and means a lot to me, who believes in God herself. That was my first thought, I wanted to go and pray to the god she believed in and ask him to help her. It turned out quite different. This was only the first step. Afterwards, I would stop at every church that I happened to pass and pray for her. Slowly, other things entered my prayers. I would pray for other friends, my family, and finally myself, too. I would say thanks for the good things that had happened to me. It felt liberating to talk to somebody without having to watch my words - the assumption is that God knows everything about me anyway, I just acknowledge things. Finally, I would even speak to Him when not in a church. But still I enjoy entering His house and having - making - the peace and quiet for my dialogue with God. I wouldn't count myself a pious man nor a good Christian but I've started thinking whether that is something worth attaining, working towards.
The thing is, what I don't like, have never liked, about Christianity is not the idea of God but the church. I think Terry Pratchett once said that God was basically a good idea until He got religion. That essentially sums up my reservations. The Churches and their doctrines are man-made. Even now, since I'm in the process of finding my way to God many religious people I meet tell me to go and see a priest. But what is the point of that? The priest is human. I get annoyed listening to sermons and other people's accounts of God. Sermons, organisations like the Church have often proven that they are motivated by very mundane, earthly matters - money, politics, power. So, why should I let somebody else tell me what and how to believe. Is somebody that wears a priest's robe automatically holy. Too many priests around the world have done too many too unchristly things. Besides, as another extremely religious Christian friend told me, my faith is a relationship between me and God. I don't need an intermediary. And why should I sit in mass every Sunday? As a Buddhist friend told me: If you have Buddha (or in my case God) in your heart you don't need to go to the temple. If I want to go to church to feel nearer to God then I'd much rather go when it's quiet and I can talk to Him alone.
Then for some reason today I was thinking about another reason for my continuous scepticism. Science. I had a long talk with a Muslim friend. A very pious man, too. He said he believed that we - humans - are Allah's creation and so must serve him. How could he be so certain? His boat, he said, somebody built that boat. It can't have built itself. Everybody would accept that. But us humans, he continued, who made us? Evolution, I wanted to say. I didn't argue the point with him at the time. This is his faith - whatever I say will not change his conviction. But, I thought, we know where we come from. Biology tells us we're descended from apes in a process that lasted millions of years. Before that there were mammals, before them were reptiles and before those were fish. Astrophysics tells us about the origins of our planet and its solar system and even about the history of our galaxy and the universe itself. We can trace back the evolution of the universe to several theories about its very beginnings. God doesn't come into these. No Adam and Eve. Science can explain everything. We technically don't need religion. Then, today, I realised there is still one question that science cannot answer: What was before the universe? The theory of the Big Bang tells us that the universe began in a burst of energy originating from a single point. The expansion of the universe even today supports this theory. But where did the energy come from? That we cannot answer. But come to think of it, this is exactly the way the Genesis begins. In the beginning there was only God and darkness. God separated darkness from light and called the dark night and the light day and so on. What if the burst of energy at the moment of creation was God's intervention? The energy is Him.
Imagine the evolution of life, the universe and everything as me setting up domino pieces in a long row - the way I used to as a child. As they fall imagine the domino pieces as sentient beings. They can only see themselves and the previous and next pieces. Where do we come from, they ask. Why do we fall over? Pious ones answer, it's a god that sets you up and topples you over. Then some do research. They find the long chain of pieces that have fallen over before them and they say, look, it's a chain. It's not a god that makes you fall over but kinetic energy. Look at the long chain of pieces before you. It has been happened like this for ages and it will always be like that. Nothing mystical about that. And in the beginning there was a tremendous burst of kinetic energy that threw over the first primordial piece. Where did that energy come from then, some clever ones ask. The answer is in the law of preservation of energy. Energy cannot be lost or used or created, only converted like , e.g.heat into motion. So, it was always there. But what, I now realised, if that energy was God? What the little imaginary domino pieces don't see is that I set up the chain and toppled the first piece, then everything else just happened according to my setup. Why couldn't the universe also be like that?
Human research has shown that we are not all an inbred race descended from two individuals. We've observed the origins of stars, planets, even galaxies. We've found traces of a huge burst of energy at the very beginning of the universe. But since God is omnipotent this could all be His design. Why should make things as simple as people two thousand years ago believed. That's as old as the origins of the Bible are. The Bible just sees things from their limited view point. It was later changed, updated, by humans. I don't believe in creation the way it is written in the Book. But science has not eliminated creationism. It has enriched it. With every new scientific discovery we can understand how incredibly complex the system of rules is that God built into his creation. Why should God not be like me setting up my domino pieces? Why would an omnipotent but also omniscient (read: intelligent) God bother with making the apple fall every time nothing holds it up. Why not just build in a rule that says: If nothing is holding you up you fall. That is the clever solution. The evolution of life, the universe and everything is all the plan that God laid out in preparation. Then He just needed one nudge and everything just happened. The Big Bang would then be the only evidence of divine intervention in our creation. But isn't it an epic one? Everything that happened afterwards is God's prepared plan, the laws of physics, chemistry, biology etc. that our scientists discover are algorithms that He built in so that things would happen the way He wants them to. They are, if you want, direct evidence of His will.
Should we then abandon science and resort to faith like some pious people demand? I say, NO! (with an exclamation mark!) Science allows us to understand God's creation better. It allows us to make better use of the clevernesses He has built in and so further our goals, improve our lives. Finally, every discovery allows us to marvel anew at the intricacy, the cleverness of His work. I refuse to believe that God would want us to stumble blindfolded through his creation after he spent so much effort on it. We can see other planets, stars, galaxies. We see how they work. Why stick to the belief the earth is flat just because an old book says so. But even if we discover how to warp space and travel to distant worlds, even if we encounter other intelligent life, all that does not preclude the involvement of God. He laid it all out in advance and then just gave it a push. That is the greatness of His creation and that is what makes it so amazing.
Monday, April 07, 2008
The Nature of Love
Love is a monster that lives in your chest. While chained it lies quiet, dormant, but once unleashed it demands to be fed.
Well fed it purs like a cat, gives you strength and courage, warms you like the sun and makes every day seem more beautiful than the last. But if abandoned or left hungry it rages with fangs of steel and claws of ice and slowly eats at your heart from the inside until it finally starves, lonely in the dark and only a shadow of its former self.
My love is that monster called Passion. I want to kiss her again and again and again, make up for the time that we lost. I can't get enough of her even though I'm scared of smothering her. Every little tenderness she imparts on me makes my heart want to burst with happiness and I can't stop smiling. But the monster howls, knowing what is to come, knowing that the soothing radiance of her presence cannot last for long. And the thought of leaving her, the thought that this has to soon come to an end is like a burning knife in my chest. I can't breathe, I can't eat; I want to scream but I have no voice, I want to cry but I have no tears. I don't know what to do.
Well fed it purs like a cat, gives you strength and courage, warms you like the sun and makes every day seem more beautiful than the last. But if abandoned or left hungry it rages with fangs of steel and claws of ice and slowly eats at your heart from the inside until it finally starves, lonely in the dark and only a shadow of its former self.
My love is that monster called Passion. I want to kiss her again and again and again, make up for the time that we lost. I can't get enough of her even though I'm scared of smothering her. Every little tenderness she imparts on me makes my heart want to burst with happiness and I can't stop smiling. But the monster howls, knowing what is to come, knowing that the soothing radiance of her presence cannot last for long. And the thought of leaving her, the thought that this has to soon come to an end is like a burning knife in my chest. I can't breathe, I can't eat; I want to scream but I have no voice, I want to cry but I have no tears. I don't know what to do.
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