Yes, friends of light entertainment, I've had another letter from the British TV licencing company. And, as the title of the post suggests, it's like the sequel to a cheesy movie. I can almost see the tag line: Even more paragraphs in bold, even larger font and this time ... it's in red!
As in every sequel the content is pretty much the same but more over-blown. One sentence in particular stands out. They're playing the number game again - even more boldly than before. "Every day" they say here "we catch over 1000 evaders". An impressive number! Means that at this rate it would still take them 164 years to catch the entire population of the UK. Also means that they would catch 365,000 evaders per year. Attentive readers may now say: "Wait a second! Didn't they claim in their first letter that they caught 80,277 evaders per year?" Well spotted. Contradiction! But don't panic, terrorists never make sense. Maybe 365,000 is number of people they drag to court and 80,277 is the number of people convicted. As I've said before, even terrorists make mistakes. That's why they apologise. Besides, they have a much more effective way of distracting the reader from this obvious use of random figures: In good old comic book villain-style they add: "You could be next." Where, of course, the strong emphasis is on you. You can almost see pointing finger. The only thing missing from this picture is the evil laugh.
I've also been informed that they will soon let loose their dreaded enforcement officers on my property. These Stormtroopers of licence enforcement, the SS among privately run crime fighters, could now pay me a visit any time. They will then presumably hound me until they have found me guilty and possibly burn me at the stake. I'm thrilled already. What will they look like? What will they do? What will they say? And will they really sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger?
As an interesting aside note that they target, harrass and attack potential evaders in the same sort of way that Bush and Blair used in their (witch) hunt for weapons of mass destruction. Presumed guilty even if proven innocent. The "War On Telly" maybe...
Stay tuned. I have a feeling this will be a trilogy.
2 comments:
The British apologeticness is very much a disclaimer of responsibility and awareness of whatever insanity or calamity that follows.
Am looking forward to no less than a melodramatic finale to your trilogy.
SOMEONE DARED USING MY NAME AS USER ID!!!
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