No, it did not take me another week to make that bloody decision. Actually, I was pretty much decided the next day after posting the last entry. This does not mean that it was not a tough choice. Both options seemed pretty much balanced in my view - both against each other and by themselves. In the end, I decided to stay here with my regular job and regular life.
Why? What tipped the scales? Some things may appear obvious while others were rather surprising - even to myself.
One was, of course, the uncertainty. What would await me? Would I be a good teacher? Would I actually enjoy it? The idea of having to do something I was bad at and/or didn't enjoy for six months was daunting.
A surprise was the fact that even my current job was keeping me here. At last, my company, or rather my boss, had given me a small project of my own that I really enjoy. I didn't want to interrupt it - especially for something that might not be worth while.
At the same time, it seems that I'll finally be playing a role playing game again - this time with my colleagues. That is something I have been waiting to do for a long time. Another thing I would not want to forego.
Funny enough, it was also something that my friend said: You don't seem very excited about it - there's no point in finding a reason for something you don't really want to do. The moment she told me this I knew she was right - even though I was disappointed with myself for admitting it. I had been uncertain from the moment she had told me about the offer. It was more that it had been my dream for a long time before I became disillusioned after talking to some actual teachers. Now I felt like I should still want to go - so many other people did and enjoyed it - I didn't want to miss out. I couldn't even answer the question what I was afraid to miss out on. At the same time I was trying to find a valid excuse for not going. Complicated, huh?
Lastly, it was maybe too much of a surprise. There was hardly any time to think or prepare. It was a matter of throwing over-board my plans for the rest of the year, along with my job and my life and getting on plane to China. And as appealing as that may seem to some people I found it scary. The prospect of spending the next two months wrapping up the remainder of my life and then having to rush off was not what I had had in mind. I think, I'm not the kind of person to do that. I quietly (and sometimes not-so-quietly) envy those that can. Maybe one day I will reach the point where I'm fed up with my life. If there's still nothing to hold me back I'll just do it - or so I tell myself.
For now, it looks like I'm staying where I am. No regrets. Don't try to change my mind again. It's too late for that now.